CAN'T FIGHT THESE FEELINGS - OCTOBER 1985 - Part 1
- Aug 5, 2021
- 7 min read
OCTOBER 1, 1985
Tuesday
WOW! I had a great weekend! I was too busy here at work to type yesterday, but here goes today.
FRIDAY - Arnold came to pick me up and we left for the Greek Food Festival and then to see “Plenty” at 10:00. We arrived at the food festival, but the line was longer than the Shock Wave at Six Flags (if you know what I mean) so we decided against it and went to Moctezuma’s restaurant. It was very good. It took us a while to find the place since I thought I knew where it was and didn’t. But, we laughed a lot about that and he asked me how long I’ve lived in Dallas. He gets around better than I do and he’s only lived here since February. Anyway, at the restaurant, he ordered red snapper and I ordered a mexican dinner and we split it. I LOVE red snapper. I had never had it before. UUM UUM GOOD! I also had a margarita.
Later, we went and saw Meryl Streep’s Plenty. It was pretty fair. I rated it two stars (**). The acting was pretty good (Tracy Ullman was worth the whole movie) but neither Arnold nor I could understand why they even wrote the screenplay. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense. Oh well. We enjoyed it or should I say each other, though. (2021 comment - I will say it made me look at Sting a totally different way - think that's when I started liking his music also)
Afterwards, we went to his apartment. I had never seen it before. It’s a very nice apartment. It’s huge. It consists of big kitchen, living room (w/fireplace), bathroom, stairs that go upstairs, a den (upstairs), bedroom and bathroom. It’s really more like a townhouse. I was impressed.
We listened to his compact disc player (they’re wonderful) and visited and… well, kissed a lot. Arnold really gets to me. He makes my heels click more than anyone in a long time; just all the time. I stayed until about 5:30 a.m. He asked me to stay, but I told him I just couldn’t; not that I didn’t want to, I did, it’s just way too early and I think he really felt the same. He really respects me for sticking by what I believe is right. He said that ifI ever come to a point where I’d like to stay the night, he wouldn’t push me into anything I didn’t want to do. I truly believe he’s sincere. He’s a very honest, sincere, thoughtful person. It took a lot of strength for me to say no, but if I can't say no now, it’ll be a lot harder later. So I braved myself and said “Not this soon.” He quickly agreed in a reluctant sort of way. If that makes sense. I don’t see how I’m going to make it through this relationship without staying the night. I told him though, that if I ever did stay, I would not give up my virginity. He seemed completely satisfied with that, which was great. I hope he’s a patient person, he seems to be. Anyway, he took me home and we kissed more there; I love it.
OCTOBER 7, 1985
Monday
I had a wonderful weekend, of course, again. This morning Arnold has not been off my mind one time. I’m doing quite a bit of work, but all the time, I’m thinking of Arnold. Oh gosh! I feel terrific! I feel very loving towards everyone. I’ll begin to tell you about the whole weekend.
FRIDAY - I got out of my car in front of my apartment ready to have a great weekend and noticed that two of my hubcaps were missing. I started to get upset, then I remembered what wonderful things were going to happen this weekend, and quickly wrote it out of my mind.
Arnold came over about 7:45 and we did a lot of kissing and hugging. Finally, about 8:20, Dee Ann and Brian came over. (Right in the middle of an intertwined hug.) She walked in clearing her throat and saying “HELLO!” We knew once we got into a heavy kiss, they’d get there. Anyway, the whole evening was a blast. They stayed until about 2:15 a.m. or so. We played Spades, Password Plus and Pigmania. We drank a lot of Bailey’s Irish Cream. That was good, but mixed with wine afterwards, it made me feel a little funny the next day. But, that night, I felt great. I think Brian and Arnold got along greatly. Arnold teased me a lot and I wonder if Dee Ann took it properly. Sometimes she gets over-protective. But, I had a great time. Arnold and I won strongly at Password, Arnold and Brian won at Spades and I believe Dee Ann won at Pigmania. So everyone had a chance to win. It was so fun!
Arnold stayed and we visited, etc. I became extremely tired and wanted to go lie down (but just hug and sleep.) We were on the bed for a long while, mainly talking and then he asked me if I wanted to change into something to sleep in, that I was bound to be uncomfortable. I truly was uncomfortable in my camouflage pants and ribbed, tight shirt, so I decided to change …
SATURDAY - Arnold, Keith, Robert, Sherri and I went to see 42nd Street at Fair Park. It was good. Everyone seemed to get along quite well that night also. I feel very proud to be with Arnold. Not only is he handsome, tall, neat, trim (has wonderful hands) etc., he has a tremendous personality and is very refined. I could really say I’m falling for him big time. Through the show (sometimes I DID pay attention to it) but most of the time I thought about being alone with Arnold. After the play, we went to Andrew’s for a farewell to the musicals. I had the most fun when we got back to my apartment. (You tube - I can’t Fight this Feeling anymore)
I want to state that I told Arnold that no matter what, I was going to remain a virgin, and I will, but I really feel comfortable with him, quite different. I got to be comfortable with Barry, but I Felt all the time he would rather me be inhuman and remain angel-like, even though he had urges too. It’s hard to explain. I feel somehow different with Arnold. First of all, he’s so much more mature than Barry ever dreamed of being. Well, anyway, he’s certainly right for me at this time.
OCTOBER 9, 1985
Wednesday
Today is Bryant III’s fifth birthday. Probably, next weekend I’ll have him spend the night with me and I can let him pick out a gift that he really wants. This will be a new thing for me because I’ve really never done much with Bryant like I have with the girls. I sure would like Arnold to go with us, whatever we do. Maybe at night (whether Friday or Saturday) we can go miniature golfing or bowling, etc. That would be fun.
All I do is think of Arnold. I can’t seem to keep my mind on my work.. Or anything. You know, LouAnn made the comment that she doesn’t think she’s seen me like this about anyone since I’ve been here. But, I was reading parts of my journal, and I’m this delirious about everyone I’m involved with, but not an item. I know I would love to be completely comfortable, steady with him. But, I don’t completely feel the same vibes from him. Last Friday night, (and the night was a little blurry), at one point he was rambling on and then he said “What I’m trying to say is I love you, I love you!!” But somehow that night, it was perfect, but this morning, four days later, it’s uncertain. That’s just my insecurity talking, which it always does. I’m the type that needs to be reassured, constantly. If someone loves me, I want to be reminded of it all the time. First of all, if I love someone, I will be extremely affectionate and express my love constantly; so I expect the same in return. I hope that’s not too much to ask. It shouldn’t be. One day, I’ll be more secure, hopefully.
I think one reason I feel a little insecure today is that Arnold hasn’t called me this week. Usually, he calls me on Tuesday night to make plans for the weekend. I talked to him Monday night, but I called him and he didn’t mention anything for the weekend. I really would like to spend one night going out to eat with Mom and Dad. I hope I’m not rushing things in my mind, but I feel after last weekend we not only should be, but we are an item. But somehow, I don’t feel it’s reciprocated. I think I’m becoming unnecessarily paranoid. But you never know. If he doesn’t call tonight, I don’t know what I’ll do. A song playing on the radio (which used to remind Barry of me) now reminds me of Arnold. It’s called “I can’t Fight this Feeling” by REO Speedwagon. It fits any new, insecure relationship.
Just a few minutes ago, I saw him walk by and he smiled widely and made his hand into a gun and shot it at me while winking. It was cute. He looked like he was interested in me. Oh gosh! If he probably read this, he’d think I was crazy. He probably is going to call me tonight and the reason he didn’t call last night is that baseball game was on, and he’s really interested in that. He’s a Cardinal fan and they’re in the play-offs. I wanted the two of us to go out to eat with Mom and Dad sometime this weekend. But, I’m not going to ask him until he calls me.
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