Con-FUSING February '83 Pt. 3

February 23, 1983

Today is Wednesday. Thoughts are still in my mind over the same people and circumstances. Mainly, Randall.

Cam is in my mind a lot also. I saw him last night. I felt no remorse towards him whatsoever. Maybe, the card I sent his parents helped somewhat. He seemed startled to see me, and vice versa. He was sitting with some other friends of mine, and I wave actually at them and then noticed Cam while I was waving. The wave could have easily been for him also, sitting from his side. Kevin was with me and that’s the first time he’s seen Cam since the fight. It disgusted him to see Cam, but not me. It hardly affected me. I have had so many dreams about him, that I guess seeing him in real life didn’t bother me. Every night, without fail, I dream of him. Sad dreams. One dream, I was dying, and all my friends were around me except Cam. I told DeeAnn to get him, she had to. When he came towards me, I put all the strength I could into a hard slap across the face, then I as quickly grabbed him towards me and hugged him. I told him “You’re a jerkface, but I love you with all my heart.” I woke up crying. Ho hum!

I didn’t see Randall at all last weekend. He called Sunday and we talked for about an hour or so. He was extremely busy, so I’ve decided this next weekend I’m going to be extremely busy. That’ll chap him. I may go out with him, only and I mean ONLY if he calls in plenty of advance. But I’m going to arrange my weekend, hopefully, where I will go out with just guys this weekend.

I saw Doug Cross last Friday night. Oh, I enjoyed his company so much. We went and saw The Verdict.

I’m hungry, but I have no money to eat on.

Boo HOO!

February 25, 1983

Today is Friday. I just heard some upsetting news. My all-time favorite playwright, Tennessee Williams, died today. He had a heart attack. He was in his middle sixties. (Actually, I figured he would be older than that.) Everything I’ve read or seen of his is excellent. Especially “Streetcar Named Desire” and “The Glass Menagerie”. I probably like “Streetcar” a little better. (Maybe it’s because Vivien Leigh was in the movie.) Anyway, he sure gave us a lot of great playys to remember him by.

Tonight I am going on a date with my ole’ friend, Keith. We’re going out to eat and to a movie. I haven’t thought about Randall so much. I’ve got plans both tonight and tomorrow night, so if he wants me to do something, too bad. He’s got to work hard for me. Because I’m worth it! TEE HEE!

Yesterday I started Lent. I know I’m not Catholic, but every Ash Wednesday, for the heck of it, I see if I can give up something. I am giving up sugar and alcohol. The alcohol is relatively easy, but the sugar is not. I even mean no cokes (they have to be diet), no gum, candy, and of course pies and cakes. I like to test how strong my will power is. I did the same last year with great success. We’ll see how I do this year. This lasts until Easter, which is April 3. That’s more than a month. Today instead of donuts, I had two biscuits with sausage, for lunch I had 100% wheat crackers and a diet coke. Now tonight I’m going out to eat, but I just won’t get a dessert, and I’ll get tea. (I don’t use sugar in my tea anyway.) That makes it easier. It’s the candy bars that hurt. I love sweets. I can’t think of any dessert that I don’t like. (Well, I’m not too fond of rhubarb pie.)

(2021 comment - I have done Lent every year but soon after this entry, learned what it all meant and Jesus in the desert for 40 days… It’s one of the most meaningful, spiritual times all year for me.)

I’m reading the Life of Henry Fonda as told by him. It’s really good. The first girl he ever kissed was Bette Davis, (way before either were a star.) They were just graduated from school. I love stories like this. He and Jimmy Stewart were college roommates and life-time friends.

I want to see Sophie’s Choice tonight. Meryl Streep is nominated for Best Actress. I think the director is nominated too. A lot of people were surprised that it was not nominated for Best Picture. Here are the movies that were nominated:

1) Gandhi

2) Tootsie

3) ET

4) Missing

5) The Verdict

I’ve seen all but Ghandi and The Missing. I was not that impressed with The Verdict. So far, I’d like to see either ET or Tootsie get the award. It’s about time for something light hearted to get it. I can tell you now, I’ll be furious if Missing gets it. No one has seen it. I heard it’s anti-american. We don’t need movies like that. That’s why I love ET and Tootsie. Good, enjoyable, family movies. (Especially ET.) I suspect Ghandi will get the award though. I won’t say anything until I’ve seen it. I do not want The Verdict to get it at all.

February 26, 1983 (Saturday)

Today has been a fun day, eventful day & sad day. First of all, the phone woke me up & Randall was on the other end. He asked me to go on his boat and just have a quiet day together. We fished some, he did some homework & I read poetry. It was quite nice. Calm, mellow, but nice. On our way home, I mentioned that Kevin & I were going to the N.G. country festival, (Donna Taylor, KVIL star winner, would be singing), but he said he already had plans. - Also Nancy Q was playing fiddle in it. I became real quiet & he dropped me home. It made me mad that I never see him on Saturday nights.

Anyway, Kevin got ahold of Doug and the three of us went. I was in such a great mood by then & really enjoying Doug. Until we walked in the school. The first person I saw was Barry Johnson (good friend of Randall’s). I went towards him (I knew he was going to be there) & then I saw the white hair flaming. Randall was there. I talked to Barry for a while & then we went & hit Randall with my program saying “What are you doing here?” His plans had fallen through, so he decided to come. Well, I didn’t sit with him or ANYTHING. (2021 comment - I remember him being with a dark haired gal and found out later she was LaDonna’s sister - name? - I think they were on and off for quite a while.)

After the program (which by the way, was very entertaining). I went & hugged Barry. He’s dating a girl, Chris, who sang in the show. I told Barry I liked her a lot. I also said “Hang on to her, she’s worth it. Some people don’t know a good thing when it’s smack in their hand.” I was of course, referring to Randall. Barry then said “Well, maybe the four of us could do something sometime.” I said “Maybe, just maybe.” Randall heard all of this. Then I said “Well, I’ll be seeing ya.” “We’re leaving!” They said Bye (or I think Randall did, I know Barry did) and I grabbed Doug & Kevin’s arms and we left. Yes, it’s over. “IF” he call me again, I may go out just to tell him “NO MORE!”

Oh well! He blew this one not me.

We (including Nancy Q & boyfriend, Chris, Sharla & boyfriend, John, all went to Snuffer’s. We had a great time. Then Doug, Kevin & I went to Confetti’s. Doug & I danced quite a bit. I sure am enjoying his company. His birthday is March 13th and I’m taking him out to eat. That’ll be fun. I have vacation the 14th thru 19th. Spring Break. (Originally, to be off with Randall.) But Keith may be off some of the time & so will Doug. So it’ll be fun.

You know, I guess it’s because it’s my decision to call things off, but I’m not too upset over this whole ordeal. I just realized (really about a week or more ago) that we’re just not right for each other.

C’est la vie!