LONG HOT SUMMER/CRAZY FOR U - AUGUST 1986 - PT. 3

https://youtu.be/DHutZXREZ0E

Crazy For You (Madonna)

AUGUST 19, 1986

Tuesday

(Letter to John)

Dear Beloved: (how do you like that?)

I LOVE YOU! I am still in a great mood! I wish THIS weekend was Labor Day and not next! I just can’t get over the great mood I’ve been in since New York. Are you in a good mood? I would have liked to talk to you last night. Maybe tonight. I want to tell you about Kathleen’s wedding.

I caught the bouquet. The last one I caught - I met you the very next Saturday. Maybe this one means wedding bells. TEE HEE! If you didn’t make me SO excited (for use of a better word) I wouldn’t think of stuff like this all the time. I want to kiss and hold you!

Friday night, after I pick you up, we will go straight back to my place, drink champagne and make love. Oh, that’ll be great! I hope I act a little better tonight in my voice lessons than I did last time.

Mary spent the night with me last Saturday night. I told her what you said on the phone about “who’s to say I’d even let us make love… have intercourse.” She thought that was sweet. When you think about it, I was going to give you my most treasured thing about me… my virginity and in return you love ME so much you won’t accept it. That’s true love on both accounts.

I want you…. Now! I mean it, not yesterday not tomorrow, but now! Well, yesterday and tomorrow would be nice too! I sure hope you call tonight. I’m coming straight home after voice lessons, just in case.

Wednesday

My precious 503; HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!! We talked to each other last night and we both forgot! We should be ashamed! I was figuring out that at the time five months ago, 9:15 a.m., we were both in the air destined for San Juan, on the same plane and not realizing it or the destiny which was really planned for us. A lifetime together. I think. (TEE HEE!) I love you, John Knight!

I LOVE YOU! I’m sorry I got a little moody last night, but after New York, I’ve been so consumed with you that I’m having trouble doing or thinking about anything else. I’m wrong to expect the same from you. Our lives are on a very different course right now and will be until, at least you’re out of the Academy. That’s what the problem was. See, my life is completely in order right now and I am pretty much settled. The only goals I perceive right now are long-term ones; whereas you have a lot of short-range goals that are mandatory for you to take care of first and then you can think of the long-term ones. Though our currents flow together easily and securely, mine is at a much smoother wavelength right now and yours has quite a few choppy spots, which is perfectly fine. It won’t be too long before our river will smoothen out and together we can enjoy where we’re destined. I hope you now understand. I promise to be more understanding. But I tell you one thing; I want to share your goals and plans; whether short-range or long. I’m great as a listener and want to know what goes through your innermost mind. That’s all. That’s really the way it should be. No matter when it is, if I’m to be your wife at some point, I want and should be the one you tell first. You’re really good at that kind of thing, I just want to share in your hopes, dreams AND failures. I’m a sharing type of person. In return, I’ll share with you. But like I said, right now, you have a lot more important and immediate things on your mind than I do. I’m content and settled with my OWN life, so let me help out with yours. Otay? I love you! So very much! I hope you understand all this! I wuv you! Otay? I wuv you! - ha

Also with it being summertime, I have less to do and find myself even more consumed with thoughts of you. Once September comes, I’ll be back gung-ho in my voice classes and things will be at a normal pace again. I will also have that new musical class that I’m very much looking forward to.

It’ll be great when we’re both in Dallas together and you can come to my concerts and I to yours at SMU. But first, we have to get you through your finals, then this whole semester, then next semester and finally, graduation. But as you said last night, that’s 300 days from now. Whew! For someone who is so futuristic, even 300 days seems like a long time from now. A long time away from being with you forever. No more distance.

I read an article on long-distance relationships. According to that article, if you see each other every so often and keep writing letters and phone calls, it should be able to work. After all, if you’re the faithful type together in the same city, you’re capable of it away from each other. IF you really love each other. And we certainly do.

Now you can see why I was so strange last night on the phone. A whole lot has been on my mind. Not to mention actually contemplating getting on the pill (or something) so we can diminish the only barrier (besides distance) between us. But like I said, that’s not really me. (2021 comment - Girl, you WERE strong.. I don’t care what anyone has ever said, felt or rolled eyes… I was committed to waiting til marriage and wanted a man who wanted and admired that about me…)

I tell you what I REALLY want from you. Do great on your tests, schooling and ideas for your merchant marine business. You don’t EVER have to worry about me. I’m your security blanket. I should be, if not anything else, the one thing you feel safe and secure with. You can always say to yourself, “NO matter how unsure I am with my studies, SMU, or job future, I at least KNOW without a doubt that I have a good woman who loves me and will back me up on any venture I set for myself.” I mean that!

I love you with all my heart!

Always devoted,

Janie (669; 5 months ago today)

AUGUST 20, 1986

Wednesday

Today is John and my fifth month anniversary! Neat, huh? Five months ago today, (exactly at THIS time; 9:10 a.m.) I was in the air going towards San Juan, not knowing John was on the same plane and what that destination really meant. That is STILL so weird to me. I had no idea that the man I would one day marry - was on that same plane. Tonight about midnight or maybe a little after, or should I say tomorrow, would be the first time we actually danced and met. The Love Boat. WOW! I sure DO love him!

It’s Russell’s 26th birthday.

Somewhere in here I had my pictures made by Olan Mills thru Axe church. It was summer, judging by my outfit

AUGUST 21, 1986

Thursday

As much as I love John and he loves me I still feel like he’s leaving me out of part of his life. Not really to get him back or be mean, I’m going to let him know how busy I am and how fulfilling my life is… even when he’s not around. He seems to let me know how busy he is and puts off signs that he doesn’t think about just ME. So, I’ll let him know how fulfilled I am when he’s not around. It couldn’t hurt. This bit of him talking about marriage one day (or year) but not letting me know when, drives me crazy. I’ll turn it all around and make HIM go crazy because I’m not at his beckon call. I truly hate little games, but I don't want to look like my whole world revolves around him, because in actuality, it doesn’t. I just need to remind him of that; of course, without letting him know I’m rubbing it in. This is a woman, for you. TEE HEE!

Judy, my Voice teacher, talked to Cynthia Gregory (professional singer who has worked on cruise ships) on the phone and Cynthia invited Judy to come hear her sing THIS Friday night. (I’ve met Cynthia before and talked with her some time about working on a ship, before meeting John.) Cynthia’s going to ask Judy if she still sees me. When Judy says yes, Cynthia’s going to say “remind me to give you (Judy) my phone number to give Janie concerning the Royal Cruise Lines because they’re, plus a few others, are asking for applicants for their 1987 season. The plot will later go further, with me actually making the call to Cynthia, then to Royal Cruises, then receiving an application, signing it and returning it, and possibly as far as they’re interested and me making a tape for them.

You see, the whole point of this is to let John think I’m actually, believe it or not, doing and thinking about something besides him! (2021 - I’m confused reading this.. I wrote in previous journals about Cynthia coming to Jim Henderson’s choir and I was ready to audition - but I didn’t want to be away from Barry… Did she come twice or was it a different Cruise director?)

AUGUST 22, 1986

Friday

WELL, last night was a good night! First of all, I went by to get my music from Judy and she told me about Cynthia Gregory wanting to give her a number for me about auditions for cruise jobs. (OK - it did happen here?)

Then I walked in my apartment and at the same point, I heard John’s voice on my answering machine. I quickly answered the phone, told him I was home and then turned off the machine. He acted a lot happier to hear me than vice versa. I guess I was still a little upset about our strange conversation Tuesday night. Anyway, he talked about how he couldn’t wait to see me next week and honestly, I felt a little indifferent. I mean I want to see him, but I’ve been SO frustrated and anxious with him since Tuesday, that it takes away the fun and delight. He noticed the reluctance in my voice and said “Aren’t YOU excited to see me?” And I said “yeah,” still with a touch of hesitation. Then I said “Something kind of interesting happened tonight; just now.” and I told him about Cynthia and the cruise job opportunity, then his tone changed. It was more like “but then you’d have to be away from me for about six months.” And I said “I know, but it’s still neat to be thought of. If this had happened in February or early March, I would have jumped on it; but then we wouldn’t have met.” “I, of course, won't’ follow through on it, but I think I will call her just to see what it is and tell her my situation. Just to be polite.” Then we started talking about other things and I was the one that said I had to go first (maybe for the first time, ever.) But before I got off, I brought it all up one more time, then made the final comment… “well, when you think about it, you have a little more than six months school and this will be about six months, maybe. I don’t really know. I’ll have to call and find out.” Dead silence on his end. That was great! Don’t worry! Before this second reprise, I told him how I want to be just with him Friday night when he comes, and let him know how I want to stay up all night talking and having fun. So, he, of course, knows how much I love him. This is all just good because it makes him think I don’t live every minute, eating, breathing and sleeping his existence; wich I really don’t. Just maybe 75%-80% of the time. I love him immensely, but need to play it just a little cooler. Let him feel like he’s chasing me and when he DOES catch me, he’ll feel like it was really a sport and challenging! That never hurt anyone!

I truly feel SO much better today than I have the past two days!

Then I went to Mom and Dad’s and the two of them, Mary and I went to see Bryant and Barbara’s new house for the first time and went swimming in their pool. It’s a lovely house. Despite the fact it is still decorated in 1960’s motif, it is charming. (2021 comment - uh that would suit me fine now esp. early 60’s) Barbara is having an interior decorator come in and redo it. The actual house, though, is in mint condition (20 years old) and reminds me of the Leave it to Beaver house or My Three Sons, etc. I love those kinds of houses. It’s what I call an ultimate house. The pool was great and it was wonderful to see Mom and Dad swim. That’s the first time in ages that they did that. It’s good for them! (Another memory - Mom especially used to swim in the lake with us a LOT - Dad liked motel/hotel pools and that’s how I learned to swim… first in motel/vacation pools then at 8-9 yrs in OUR Lake Lydia!)

AUGUST 25, 1986

Monday

This past weekend was good. It wasn’t like THIS weekend is going to be, but it was relaxing and enjoyable.

FRIDAY - Mary spent the night with me again. We watched a W.C. Fields' movie called You’re Telling Me. Mary fell asleep, but I thought it was funny. (2021 comment - WOW second time she spent the nite and I just don’t remember. - glad she did tho)

SATURDAY - I got up pretty early, butted poor Mary out and went to have breakfast with Bill Flynt. We went to Bagelstein’s. It was good! They give you free cream cheese bread with your meal and after eating all that up (or most of it) I hadn’t any room for breakfast. Then we went back to his place and went over my songs for the Musical Scenes class. We had fun.

That night, I went with kevin to see a GREAT movie! A Room with a View starring Maggie Smith. The main heroine was a beautiful, combination of Ingrid Bergman and Brooke Shields. Classic beauty! (Helena Bonham Carter) The whole movie was beautiful. The bad thing about it is that it’s showing as an exclusive at The Inwood and hardly anyone will ever see it. I believe some of the best movies are never seen. (2021 comment - STILL Top 10 movie list for me... SOOO incredibly romantic!)

After the movie, we went to The Prospect Grill on Greenville Avenue, sat outside and watched the crazies walk by. It was fun. Then we went to the Record Gallery or what I call the “Night Gallery.” A strange little art gallery opened at odd hours in the night. All the characters in there looked like they were from Star Wars. It was fun!

SUNDAY - Was church, of course. Later after, I talked to Diana and confirmed our plans for Saturday night to go country western dancing and all was okay. John and I are going with Bill, Diana, Melinda and Ken. That’ll be fun! They all want to get to know John better. Even though I’m not the biggest country and western fan, it’ll still be fun!

Then last night, John called. An incredibly interesting conversation for about 45 minutes. Possibly one of the most interesting conversations we’ve ever had! I was honest with him and told him how I didn’t think it was fair that he knows when he’s going to ask me to marry him, and then marry me and I have absolutely no idea! I told him we should have a 50/50 relationship and I have a right to know where my options are. That way, I know what I can do with my life.

Not that I really want to, but if I WANTED to get a job on a cruise ship (cough, cough) I could if there’s still plenty of time. At least the option is there. And I asked if he understood. He did. We talked about feasible times. He said during the middle of grad school (first of ‘88) and I said “even though there’s only one month difference, Jan. ‘88 seems much further than Dec. ‘87.” He said he was negotiable. I was also glad to hear that he’s not as dogmatic about not getting an apartment as he has said in the past. I’m really beginning to realize that John is not as dogmatic or stubborn as he pretends to be. He’s a lot more flexible than he lets people realize. Especially when it comes to me and our love. TEE HEE! I love him and apparently, if I didn’t know before, he loves me quite a bit too! I love it!

AUGUST 26, 1986

Tuesday

Last night John called again. I didn’t expect him to. He just called to give me his flight information and tell me how much he loved me and how much he enjoyed our talk the night before. How exciting! He said he’s psyched about coming down this weekend and talking more. Friday night, especially, is going to be great because we’ll drink some champagne and talk about our future. I’m totally euphoric (one of John’s favorite words.)

He said our pictures from the Ring Dance are already at his parents’ house. I have to go by and pick them up. I hope they’re good! It’ll be hard going by and not mentioning the fact that John is going to be down to see me this weekend. Secrets. I love them and hate them at the same time!

(Secret Lovers - yet again)

I just found out from Barbara that Bryant (today is his 32nd birthday) got a promotion in his law firm as a new partner! That’s terrific! This is a wonderful time to get that with him just getting the new house and all. And this being his birthday. This seems to be a week for good news! Life is good!

There is no work to do here at work and I still have two hours left! Oh woe is me. It’s only Tuesday and it feels like Friday. I want to see the man I love!

Not sure we ever did this??