AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN - "Tonight I Celebrate My Love For You" - (truly) - AUGUST 1986 - Pt. 2
- Oct 18, 2021
- 9 min read
Updated: Oct 18, 2021
Love Lift us Up Where We belong
Tonight I Celebrate My Love Video/song by Roberta Flack
August 12, 1986
Tuesday
My Precious 503:
Dear 503; that seems a long time ago. We’ve come a long way Baby. I want you to know that after this past weekend in NY, I love you more emphatically than ever. I really feel like I found a treasure when we met. We both had to dig a while to find each other but there we were in the Caribbean. How I love you! (again, met in the Caribbean but being Texas natives of Garland and Richardson..)
A fantabulous weekend! I Have truly been on Cloud Nine. And to think only 16 days and we’ll be together again! As long as we have goals when to see each other next, it’s not so bad.
I talked to your mom a few minutes ago and am going by tonight and getting our pictures of June Weekend. I hope they’re good. I LOVE YOU!
The song “Could I Have this Dance for the Rest of my Life?” is playing. I love that song and you.
(weird coz this song REALLLY reminds me of Keith - 2021 comment)
Things have all turned around for the best here at work. I’ll tell you more when we talk on the phone.
_________________________________________
Wednesday
I had a great time last night. I went to my voice lesson and giggled all the way through it. Afterwards, Judy asked me when the big date was. She said I was obviously more in love than ever. I told her we talk about “it,” but I don't know for sure. I said we both are romantic traditionalists and will reveal all when a ring is on my finger. She said “Tell me what you really feel.” And I said “Well, he gets out of school in June so it won’t be before then, but I’d bet it would be 1987.” Am I right? I LOVE YOU! I KNOW I shouldn’t be talking about it, but my friends know me and see me glowing and feel there’s something to tell. And after this weekend, I feel absolutely, completely in love with you. I mean, I’m giddy.
(Crazy for You video)
After the lesson, I went to your house and picked up the pictures and visited for about an hour and a half. Thoroughly enjoyed it! Even your dad stayed put and visited. You know how that makes me feel. We did a lot of laughing. I really like them! I felt extremely secure with them last night, more than ever. I’m going back over some time when they’re back from seeing you and go swimming. Aren’t you glad? Kevin wasn’t there.
(2021 comment - I remember this visit vividly. Your dad was very complimentary to me on my new hairstyle (pictured above - it did look better a bit longer ;)
After that, I went to Mom and Dad’s to show them our great pictures. They’re really good! Everybody here at work says we’re both SO photogenic. Jane said you look like a movie star. I LOVE YOU! Hurry up and come see me, will you? I was extremely giddy and crazy at Mom and Dad’s. I kept playing peek-a-boo with our pictures to Mary in the sack they were in. (2021 - have no idea what THAT was - lol) She thinks I’m a case. I AM! I’m in love!
Sincerely forever yours,
NO. 669
AUGUST 15, 1986
Friday
Last night I went over to DeeAnn and Brian’s. I really needed some girl talk. In between Brian coming in and out and during a long bathroom break, DeeAnn and I got some private talking in. (Dee, remember all the talks in the bathroom - LOL)
In case you’re wondering what we talked about and what’s been on my mind (since the weekend); this past weekend was truly the first time EVER that I was seriously tempted to make love with John, or anyone for that matter. In a whole year and a half, I felt only tempted one time with Barry. With John, it’s quite frequent and THIS weekend was all the time. It excited me (I feel more in love with him right now than ever) and scared me at the same time. I’ve put SO much stock behind being a virgin until I get married that it’s hard to overcome. But I know one thing… I love John with all my heart and we’re as close as we can possibly be, except for the lovemaking. Well I feel we make love every time we’re together, but no intercourse, of course (intercourse, of course, TEE HEE.) I do know that I’m so glad I have waited until now. To think if I hadn’t waited, I would have made love probably about three or more times by now. Definitely I would have with Barry and Arnold. Maybe even Randall. The thought is scary. Barry would have been the only one worthy. And now looking back, not really. Sometimes I feel I would have liked to have more closeness with Carl and especially, Russell (nothing at all occurred with Carl and nothing really with Russell.) But then, the breaking up with these two (especially Russell) would have been much tougher and taken even MORE years to get over. In comparison, John is so much more meaningful, loving oh, everything imaginable.
The way he LOOKED at me that Sat. night. Every movement, every glance was cherished. He would delicately move my hair, bangs away from my face so he could gaze directly in my eyes. He didn't want any lights out - so he could SEE me, then kiss me. THIS wasn't purely sexual/lust, this was LOVE.
Arnold and Randall didn’t even affect me sexually. Randall and I only had one chance, but Arnold and I had many. Both men are too self-centered. You have to be not only loving (in love is the best) but giving, thoughtful, willing to please and do anything to please, and extremely communicative. Barry had some of these qualities, but John has ALL. John, on top of it all, is more patient and definitely more appealing to me. Oh right now I’d love to be with him! When I start talking like this, there’s no hesitation in making love to the fullest.
DeeAnn thinks I’m ready. She says there is a spark in my eye that she has never seen before. She feels really good about my whole situation and understands how I feel, there is a small shield in our way of true closeness. I know the reason I feel closer to him than anyone ever, is that we have been closer. But I want more. As far as feeling guilty if we do go ahead, at least I can say I waited until I was 25, a grown woman, and with the man I WILL be marrying. God! I love him! Thank you so much for a wonderful, loving man!
She did say she wishes that she had had enough courage, will power or whatever to retain her virginity until Brian. I know I’m glad I have that option for John. That alone, if anything else, will make our relationship extra close and binding knowing that he, my future husband, will be my only true, close love. That sounds like I’ve accepted giving up my virginity for him. That would be the best gift I could offer him. The most sacrificing gift I’ve given anyone. But I don’t want to do it until my mind is set straight with the idea. I am going to check out different types of birth control, just in case. This proves my deepest love and desire for my precious John.
August 16 - Went to see Aliens with Mary, Bryant and Barbara - really liked it!
AUGUST 18, 1986
Monday
This was really a s good a weekend as could be without being with John. I’ll tell you about it.
FRIDAY - A great night! I went over to Diana Lawson’s for the first time, and we talked for over five hours. Bill, her husband, went out with her two boys and left us quite a bit of time to visit. (I wish Brian would do that sometime when I come over.) Oh, we talked about the same thing DeeAnn and I did. But, Diana had a different view than DeeAnn. She is probably the most like me than anyone, in her religious and sexual views on life; and even political (outside of my precious John.) Anyway, she said she pulls for me to stick by my morals. She said she felt so good standing in front of the altar wearing white and feeling like she deserved to. That had a big impact on me. Maybe it’s good that John and I are apart as much as we are. That keeps at least a little less strain on this. Boy, I know we'll monopolize our conversation Labor Day weekend. Even though this has been all on my mind, it hasn’t worried me or made me in any kind of upset mood. On the contrary, I have been in a fantabulous mood since the New York weekend. Anyway, the evening with Diana was very good for me and so I totally changed my mind the other way. What Diana said altogether is really me! That’s why I call her my blood sister.
(2021 comment - These 3 special ladies from Axe UMC, really were wonderful, lovely God-fearing women/friends. They helped me thru a lot and listened to crazy ole’ me. All were involved in my wedding - Bea Knagg was bridesmaid, Diana Lawson and Melinda Propes were servers at the wedding cake.)
SATURDAY - First thing in the morning, as always lately, I went to Mom and Dad’s for our coffee clash with Mary also. Her kids are with their dad, John, all this week and that weekend. About 11:00 or so, my John called me. It was so good to hear his voice. I hadn’t talked to him (outside of hearing his voice on the answering machine) since last Sunday in New York. He told me that when he picked his parents up at the airport Friday, practically the first thing they said was “We sure had a good visit with Janie.” That’s great! Oh, how that means a lot!
Then, not too long after, I told him about my crazy week and where my thoughts have been, extremely much. I told him about my deliberation and that I had about decided to call my doctor and get birth control, then I went to Diana’s and changed my mind. John laughed at all this and I asked him “why?” He said “You act like this is all your decision. Who’s to say, I’d let you go through with it?” That truly made me feel loved. He was only thinking of me when he said that. If I hadn’t been a virgin when we met, we certainly would have made love by now. But I did stress, especially in the beginning, my concern and belief in keeping my virginity and he knows that’s how I REALLY feel. Through his half-way joking words and nervous laugh, what he was really telling me is that he loves me SO much that he wants me to always be happy and content with any decisions I make. Even though it’s hard for him when we don’t follow through in lovemarking, he loves me enough to know my true feelings. HE’S WONDERFUL! If I’ve never said it, I love him with all my heart!
Later that night, Mary spent the night with me. We talked til wee hours. She teared up when I told her what John said. She said I almost ought to tell Mom because she said Mom would love him even more for that. We had a good time and really visited, talked intimately for the first time, maybe ever.
SUNDAY - I managed to get up and go to church. Somehow, though, I wasn’t tired. I had a considerable amount of energy all day. I guess it’s because I’m so much in love! Later that evening, around 4:30, I picked up Sherri, then Barry, then Kevin and we went out to eat at El Taxco and then went to Kathleen and Shane’s wedding. Well, their wedding was interesting to say the least.
It was outside on yes, the date is August 17. Sherri and I stood at the guest book and later served the groom's cake. Bless their hearts, there weren’t enough chairs for the guests, and a lot of people had to stand up. It was so hot that by the time Kathleen and Shane got out there, sweat was pouring down them the whole time. They will be sweating through all the pictures. It was really rather miserable. But, we had fun, especially around cutting the cake time because we laughed so much. A lady came up and took the knife right out of Sherri’s hands because I guess she felt she could do it better. Sherri was going to belt her. It was funny. The lady finally gave it back. We never really knew who she was!
(2021 comment - We still talk about it to this day… I refer to it as the Psycho Lady begging for a knife.. - funny things I thought it was me that she took the knife from…)
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