March Memories - Good and Bad...

March 9, 1980

March 9, 1980

A lot has happened since I’ve written last. I had a date with Jim Brownsen. We double dated with Scott & Vera. We went dancing to Flannigan’s, then went to Rocky Horror Picture Show. Jim’s okay, but I didn’t have a real good time. I ended up crying in front of him about Tracy. Then I was so embarrassed, I ran into Vera’s house. (I spent the night with her). I love Tracy so much.

Last weekend at the cabin, I saw Mark. I finally met his girlfriend Gay. I truthfully tried to dislike her (jealousy), but found myself crazy about her. Well, being a professional dancer & all, how could I dislike her? Mark is so crazy about her. I told him that I approved of her. He got a big kick out of that. Janie W(atson) was in a play called The Mousetrap. She was great in it. Afterwards, I was invited to the cast party. (That’s where I got to talk with Mark & Gay). I had so much fun at that party. Towards the end, a guy started playing a guitar, (John & Mary were there too), & I sang. I had about 3 glasses of wine, so I wasn’t nervous at all. I loved it.

I didn’t see Tracy all weekend. I saw Daphne Friday night though. (Tracy’s sister). I sure do miss her. It was good to see her. Oh, back to Gay. She has class. Mark is so classy & talented. Even though I’m fond of Fonda (haha fond of Fonda, ha) I think Gay is much more suited to Mark.

Now coming to this weekend. Mom & Dad went to the cabin & I stayed home. Thursday night I saw Sweet Charity at Richland. It was wonderful! Friday, Scott & Kathleen were over. Vera had to go to Austin, so Scott was quite upset. Kathleen spent the night with me. As always, I was flirting with Scott, coz it’s fun. He always resists, so it’s a blast. Kathleen & I were tickling him & all. To get to the point, when Saturday came, I was a little less friendly. You see, i feel a tinge of affection toward Scott, & it must stop. I love Vera dearly. The problem began when Scott stopped resisting . I don’t mean we ever kissed or anything like that, it just changed from fun & games to something a little more serious. I’ll just be more careful for now on. We’re just friends & there’s no way we could make it together. I don’t know who I’m worried more about Scott, me or Vera. Last night, Bill Hollomon came over. I sure would like to go out with him sometime. He makes me laugh, & I love guys who make me laugh.

No new news about Travis Davis. Last week in Recital, we poked at each other (literally), & paid no attention to the musicians. I had a blast though. The situation is still the same about he & Charles. They’re so courteous & friendly to me when they’re alone, but almost plain rude to me when they’re together. They show off for each other.

This next week I’m off for Spring Break. Tuesday Dee Ann & her Choir from Southwest Texas are having an adjoining concert with South Garland. Afterwards, Cam’s mother invited me over to visit. It’ll be fun. (2020 comment - Cam was still attending SGHS - he later came to Richland in Fall of 1980)

Next Saturday I’m planning to go to 6 flags. There’s a new wooden roller coaster, Judge Roy Scream. It’ll be fun!!

Gotta go!

I Love Tracy!!

March 25, 1980

I have some awful news to write. Alex died the 16th. He committed suicide by burning himself in the backyard. It’s strange, but it wasn’t a shock to me. I hated for him to die so tragically, but he was unhappy & needed a safe place where he’d be happy. Now he’s there. I’m just glad I got to be his sister these past 22 years. I still say when I was sad, Alex was the only person who could make me laugh. When I was little, & someone would ask me who I loved, I’d say Alex. Luckily, Alex left us many memoirs of himself behind. Like paintings, writings & other artistic things. I love Alex and I hope he’s happy now.

I’m more interested in Travis now than ever. He’s fun to flirt with.

(2020 comment - wow! That’s all I wrote…… It took til me turning 32-35 to really understand the impact of Alex’s death… Soon after his death, I quit college, worked full-time - NEEDED to get out of the house and be on my own… I became more courageous, maybe even bold… I was independent and wanted to live a great/responsible/fun life. - which I believe I did. But from here on, my life became more complicated… not so naive….. And yet always a bit?? - don’t know the word for it. People began to hurt/bother me more… the future entries may seem a bit different… Don’t judge… AGAPE! Maybe I just grew up.)

It was also incredibly important to have my parents proud of me... Reputation meant a lot to me and yet... I was forever changed

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Saturday, March 16, 1980

I woke up after a rather restless night. Alex had been up all night and it kept me from sleeping well. Mom and Dad were at the cabin and Alex and I were alone with the dogs, Hoover and Dee Dee. I asked Alex why he was up late and he really didn’t have an answer. So I started getting ready to go to Six Flags with Scott Munoz, Vera Clark and Sherri Carpenter (?) I was a bit irritated with Alex for not just going to sleep…

The gang came and picked me up. I told Scott that Alex was being strange and he said he’d go talk with him. Not sure what info he got from Alex - but I know there was discussion of the clouds looking nuclear. He was a bit concerned about Alex, as was I - but we went on to Six Flags to have a fun day.

About 10:00 a.m,. We were in line for the LaSalle’s River Boat ride, and I said “I need to call Alex” - one of them - Sherri? Said well, you can’t get out of the line and they may have asked why?, etc. they said “wait til after the ride and we’ll try and find a pay phone…. I found out later that this was the time that Kelly Wilkerson (neighborhood friend and cop) found Alex in the backyard.

We came home that nite and I saw Bryant and Therese’s car out front. That was weird coz they lived in Austin and why were they here? Then all of a sudden, I walked in the house and said “what did Alex do?” They proceeded to tell me he had tried to committ suicide and Mom and Dad were with him at the hospital. They went back up to the hospital and I stayed home. I can’t remember whether they made me stay home - but I don’t feel I was allowed to go up there. I went up to Mom and Dad’s room to sleep. I prayed to God “If he’s not going to be physically well, just go ahead and take him, Lord.” He was burned all over his body.

March 17 - Sunday - Mom and Dad came home from the hospital and I was still in bed. I could just hear them crying.. I got up and walked over to Dee Ann’s - just left the house. It was good to feel the air, tho brisk. When I got to Dee Ann’s house, her door was trustingly left unlocked while they went to church. I walked in. I kinda didn’t know what to do… so I called Cam Craig and told him what Alex had done. He immediately came over, but brought Sharon Dalton. I clammed up coz I didn’t know her very well at all.. This all was so personal/private, and I wasn’t in the mood to visit with someone I didn’t know. I asked Cam to take me to Orchard Hills Baptist Church where Dee Ann and her family went to church. She was home for Spring Break and I hadn’t seen her yet. When they came out of church, I remember seeing them laughing and talking - then they/she saw me. Cam and Sharon left and I was in the Cody’s loving hands.

I don’t remember much after that, Dee Ann must’ve driven me back home after I told them - all a blur. I do know when we got home, Scott, Vera, and Sherri came over and I had called Russell - yep, Russell Simpson (first real love). He immediately drove over and stayed with me all day. Even when people left, he was there. Also I remember Jonathan, my ten year old cousin, wow! and Aunt Clara… came over to be with us.

After that, I don’t remember much - my main takeaway from this was how many great friends I had - that were there for me. AND they are all still great friends. I have always been, and always will be blessed… because of my friends.