New Year - New Me!! - 1981

JANUARY 1, 1981 Thursday

I decided to start a brand new journal because I feel I’m a very different person than in my last.

I am now way beyond high school, and well into college. I’ve taken 26 hours in all. My values have changed somewhat. I still very much want to be needed and loved, but I realize now that I can’t force anything to happen.

I will briefly catch you up on my feelings towards the people I’m close to, whether physically or mentally.

1) My Whole Family - Mom, Dad, Mary Bryant, Alex (God love him), Therese, John, Margaret, Bryant III and Holly. These people are the dearest ones in my life, I do believe. I enjoy their company just as much or more than my friends.

2) Dee Ann Cody - My dearest and best friend ever. I still see her constantly when she’s home from college. The only person in the world that knows everything there is to know about me. I love her most next to my family. (She almost is family).

3) Vera Lyons - Close friend I met at Richland. She lost her only brother too, so we can relate to each other well. (Of course, I’m blessed to have a big brother - 2020 comment)

4) Sherri Carpenter - My Choir buddy. She and Vera have been friends for ages.

5) Kathleen Kirby - Last of my 4 Musketeers. When DeeAnn’s away, she’s my analyst. HA!

6) Cheryl Tadlock - I never see her anymore, yet I love her to death. It hurts me that we don’t do things together, but she has Guy.

7) Russell Simpson - I don’t see him much except for occasional hellos. He’s still very special to me, and I feel deep emotions for him since hew as the first I fell in love with.

8) Tracy Delk - The last time I saw him, he was very immature and that hurt. My feeling aren’t set about him yet. I claim I’m completely rid of him, but wait until later when I have a long time to let beautiful memories sink in.

9) Mike Clark - I nearly made a terrible mistake with him. I’m on the rebound, andI nearly got involved with just a sweet, good friend because of it.

10) Kevin Anderson - He’s my recent break-up. I need time to figure out how much I felt for him. If I cared for him as much as I did for Russell or Tracy, or is he a rebound love that hit me hard? I’m not near as hurt over our relationship as I was with Russell or Tracy, yet I miss Kevin terribly. Everything was too quick for us. In every aspect. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a virgin (believe it or not) but there were some times where I was afraid for getting to serious. We lasted from October 3-Dec. 6. But he came to my party Dec. 19, and that was the last time he kissed me. My whole intuition tells me we’d never make it ever again. But my heart aches. That’s why I found myself leaning towards Mike. But I’ve cut it off in time. My big important relationships have been like this…

1) Russell - Tracy

2) Tracy - Kevin

3) Kevin - ??

There’s been a lot of others in between, but these are the biggies.

Kevin and I had a 3 ½ hour talk last Saturday. By the time we finished spilling our guts, I was ready to get back with him. But as I told him before, I don’t want to date anyone who I wouldn’t consider marrying and I’d never marry a guy who has attempted something ungentlemanlike to me. So that leaves him out.

My world is very confused right now.

I still deeply love Russell and Tracy. (?) Even though Kevin is the most frequent one on my mind.

I must go to sleep.

(2020 comment - Looking back was the first person I fell in love with… He taught me how I wanted to be treated, loved, etc. - that’s it)

January 2, 1981 Friday

I went to see Seems Like Old Times with Sherri and Vera. It starred Chevy Chase and Goldie Hawn. It was adorable. Charles Grodin was in it too. It’s a Neil Simon play.

I finished cleaning my whole room today. It’s unbelievable how pretty it is. It hasn’t been cleaned since my Junior year at least.

I wish Dee Ann would get back from California. I got her Xmas present tonite. I got her a Smerf doll and a Kermit mug.

Kevin called Vera. That hurt.

Gotta go to sleep!

I have a big day tomorrow. I hope I meet some nice guys at Auda’s party tomorrow nite.

January 3, 1981 Saturday

I went to Auda’s party tonite. It was a blast. But you’d never believe who was there? Kevin Tholey. Remember, I met him at Kim Heidloff’s party. We danced and all tonite. Then he drove me home. I enjoyed myself immensely.

Guess who called me today? Jamie Else (Schramm). I’m going to see her tomorrow. I can’t wait.

Gotta go to sleep!!

1) Kevin Anderson

2) Russell Simpson

3) Tracy Delk

No one else really!

Jamie was a friend of mine in Richland Choir my freshman year - she was a very sweet girl with a beautiful voice... (did she go to a Halloween party of Robert's - friends?) There were 4 of us in Choir, Jamie, Jamie, Janie & Janie - we used to love going out and telling people our names! Have no idea about the other 3...