NOVEMBER NONSENSE PT. 2

NOVEMBER 19, 1985

Tuesday

I haven’t written in a while. Where I left off in the continuing saga of Janie Boren’s love life… Arnold and I had decided to cool off just a bit… he wanting to not really date anyone and have time to himself, and me wanting to date other people and keep my options open. This was on a Wednesday when this was decided and then Friday night I went over to his apartment to practice dancing for the next Saturday night, the 16th for his showcase (ballroom dancing.) Most of the night stayed on a platonic level with hints of more underneath. I explained to him (after a little brandy) my analogy of being on an emotional roller coaster teetering on the top hill wondering which direction I’m going to go. After saying that, he said “it’s times like this when I wish I could make a go of this relationship.” Well, that really got to me. Whereas, honestly, most of the evening, I felt more platonic than anything, now, I felt very attracted to him. We were sitting on opposite ends of the couch with legs alongside each other. After these statements were made, he began rubbing my feet. Well, it was already 2:30 a.m. or so, and I made the comment that I really didn’t think I should drive home since I had been drinking. (I really had good intentions on going home that night.) But I didn’t…

Now let me tell you about this past weekend.

FRIDAY - I went over to Bryant and Barbara’s and had a nice visit. We went out to eat with the kids also to Furr’s and then came back and danced then watched The Pope of Greenwich Village. (a strange movie)

SATURDAY - I spent the day with Sherri and then that night was the Dance Showcase in which Arnold was part of the entertainment. I really enjoyed the night. I was dressed fit to kill. A mauve colored formal, black satin shoes and purse, real pearls (necklace, bracelet and earrings); I even cut my hair for the occasion. But during the times Arnold wasn’t sitting with me I talked with an attractive guy named Dan. I really found myself attracted to him and not as much to Arnold. I really enjoyed Arnold’s performance. I wasn’t taken that much by his Cha Cha, but I loved his Fox Trot and Charleston. It was fun to see him do that because it was so out of character. Well, again, I had every intention of going home afterwards. He walked me to my car and I asked him if he was going back in to be with his friends and he said he thought so. Then something came out of me and said “Oh, I was hoping I could persuade you to let me stay over.” He quickly changed his plans and said “Okay, follow me.” On the way to his apartment, I couldn’t figure out what made me say that. I truly had no intention of staying. We got back to his apartment, I borrowed his sweats and we went to Burger King. We had fun, but when I DID leave the next day, I was unhappy; I felt incomplete, if that makes sense. (2021 comment - it’s pretty obvious reading now that “IT” just wasn’t there with him… handsome, adult, dancer, mature - many great things… but the IT factor just couldn’t be mustered up)

This dress (originally worn as Maid of Honor in DeeAnn's wedding) - shows up time and time again in the 80's!!

SUNDAY - I went to see Agnes of God with Barry. We had a great time. Afterwards, we went to Chili’s then to Swenson’s Ice Cream Parlor (loved that place!) We came to my place and had a great conversation. We really were very comfortable with each other, and I was glad. We did a whole lot of laughing and cutting up. Oh, am I ever so happy about that! He’s a special person and I wouldn’t want to lose that.

(One more Night - Phil C video)

NOVEMBER 20, 1985

Wednesday

I will continue with my catch-up review on the weekend and thereafter. Monday was very much important.

MONDAY - Well… I started out late (about an hour) in the morning because I had forgotten to set the alarm from p.m. to a.m.; in other words, the alarm was set for 6:35 p.m. instead of a.m. Silly me. The exciting part started at night.

After work, I ran home, grabbed a raincoat (the weather was bad) and ran up to Richland in time for my voice recital. My guests were Mom, Dad and Arnold. I was the last person in the program, preceded by Lucellus (who is an excellent singer.) That made me a little nervous because he is SO good. I tell you, though, when Steve Potts got up there to sing (he was placed somewhere in the middle) I somehow felt proud. I’ve mentioned him before, he’s the lawyer in my class who rejoices in everything I do. When I said something before the show about me being about the only one singing two songs and being at the last, (and feeling nervous about this) - he told me that there was a significant reason for Judy doing that and that I was the only one talented enough to sing two songs. OOOOH! I love talk like that! He makes me feel good about my most important part of me… MY music! He always talks about how cute I am (when I sing.) Anyway, after being proud of Steve (he did Hello Dolly); he has a very pleasant way about him, and a good ear when he sings. I sang at last. I did Another Suitcase, Another Hall from Evita and then “Lover Come Back to Me” from The New Moon. I felt I did well. I know I put more emotion behind the first one. I feel the words pertain to me at times. Mom said both were good but the first was better. Anyway, when I got off the stage, I received a semi-standing ovation from Steve and Lucellus. That really got to me. They’re neat guys. (As always, I like the guys in the class better than the girls) even though, the women in my class are neat people.

https://youtu.be/iqY-5p2M07M

Lyrics

I don't expect my love affairs to last for long Never fool myself that my dreams will come true Being used to trouble I anticipate it But all the same I hate it, wouldn't you? So what happens now? (Another suitcase in another hall) So what happens now? (Take your picture off another wall) Where am I going to? (You'll get by, you always have before) Where am I going to? Time and time again I've said that I don't care That I'm immune to gloom, that I'm hard through and through But every time it matters all my words desert me So anyone can hurt me and they do So what happens now? (Another suitcase in another hall) So what happens now? (Take your picture off another wall) Where am I going to? (You'll get by, you always have before) Where am I going to? Call in three months time and I'll be Fine, I know

Well maybe not that fine,

But I will survive anyhow

I won't recall the names and places of this sad occasion

But that's no consolation any how

So What happens now?

So What happens now?

Where am I going to?

Where am I going to?

Don't Ask anymore

After it was over, and speeches were made from Judy (my teacher) and Bill Flynt (the accompanist, you ought to know his name by now; same guy as organist in church) then I looked up Mom, Dad and Arnold. First, Mom had to come down and tell Lucellus how well he did. She told him he had wonderful resonance. He told her that she had a special daughter. That was sweet. After introducing Mom to Judy, then I went up and talked to Dad and Arnold. Dad hugged me and said I was good. Now the part that gets to me. The only thing Arnold had to say was that I shouldn’t have worn a striped dress because you tell how nervous I was. (He said this in front of Mom and Dad.) I was very good about that remark and told him that’s one reason this class was good for me. It gives me practice to overcome some of my nervousness. (But in actuality, I don’t feel I was too nervous.) It ticked me off when he said that. Mom and Dad had to leave shortly after that and Arnold stuck around. He then told me that Lucellus and I didn’t belong with the other people, but he found it all interesting because that’s where he’d be if he were singing. Then he asked about the party afterwards and I told him it was just cast. (I lied.) I wanted to get to know Steve better, and even if not for that, I didn’t want Arnold to go. Simple as that. And am I glad he didn’t.

I didn’t know how to get to Judy’s and Steve offered to let me follow him. He’s a very considerate person in a lot of ways. After we got there, we spent most of our time together, talking, teasing and flirting. It felt good to flirt and to be flirted with. I truly haven’t done it in a long time. Arnold and I never went through that stage, because he asked me out straight away with no flirting beforehand; I was surprised when he first asked me to lunch. Before him, Barry and I never flirted because we were just good friends when he asked me out and I was surprised that he asked me out. I guess that last person I flirted with was Randall. We have always kind of flirted with each other. Even after Barry and I broke up, I flirted with him quite a bit. But nothing has felt as good as this did the other night. Steve told me that when he sang “Hello Dolly” he was singing to me. Later that night, I sang Zing Went the Strings of my Heart at the party and sang right to him most of the time. He had the biggest grin on his face. (I think he feels proud of me when I sing, also) I don’t know if we’ll ever go out or if it will even go beyond class, but I love the attention. If something comes up where a bunch of friends are going out somewhere worthwhile, I’ll invite Steve. (That’s how I started going out with Carl.) Also, there was a time when Bill played “For Me and My Gal” and Steve put his arms around me (from behind) and we sang and danced. Oh! I loved that! This guy is a great musical fan. Only two drawbacks. He’s around 37 years old and I don't know if he’s ever been divorced or not. I can’t imagine anyone ever divorcing him. Yet, that’s what I’d say about Bryant AND Therese. Oh well!! Enough on all this. I just love the attention.

I’m still going to go out with Arnold and if Steve asks me out, I’ll worry about that then.

NOVEMBER 21, 1985

Thursday

I’m deciding more and more that I need a vacation. I woke up this morning with a totally different attitude. I don’t know. Through deliberation last night, I decided that Steve is just a good friend who made me feel wonderful about myself. I’ve given too much in my relationship with Arnold to just do away with it. I truly don’t understand this guy. You know, I see through other people (and sometimes to me) that he is a very caring, loving person. I just don’t understand what makes him rude at times. Sometimes he just needs to say what is expected of him instead of being determined to be individual, different and aloof. It comes across as rude. You know, with me the other night singing… even if I had sung horribly he should have at least said “You sure looked pretty up there” or something similar. But no. Here, I had done a good job (probably one out of two of the best; 17 people entertained) and all he could notice was my nervousness and striped dress that I shouldn’t have worn.

Oh, I really need some time to myself. I always feel a little better when I’m alone at night and have time to think. I know after a night and day (or maybe more) at the cabin I’ll be straightened out. DeeAnn thinks that I’m going through a 25 year old crisis. But since I’m not 25 yet, I’d say I’m going through a 1985 crisis. This whole year has been pretty much of an upheaval emotionally.

(2021 comment - Nov. 23 - Went to see Evita at a community college with Bill F and his daughter, Cathy... "this was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. - ha")

NOVEMBER 26, 1985

Tuesday

Last night I went to Olga’s for dinner (the whole voice class went with Judy and Bill) and had a good time. She (Olga) had made homemade chalupas. (2021 - who is Olga?) We had some wine, and watermelon juice -real, fresh. The whole night was fun. We watched our videotape from the recital. I’d have to say I did really well. I did better than I had thought. And I did not notice my legs shaking. I think Arnold overdramatized the whole thing. I told Judy what he said and she said I didn’t need to be dating him.