OCTOBER FALLING

October 5, 1981 Monday

I’ve been so tired today, it’s unreal. I think it’s because I’ve been so busy this weekend.

Friday nite, Doug & I went to Balboa’s & then we saw the movie “Arthur” with Dudley Moore. I loved it! (Doug is a guy I met in nite-time Richland Choir).

Saturday nite, the Choir had a big party at Cam’s house. It was a blast! Thomas sure played up to me. You know, I think he’s always been interested in me, he’s just never actually had a girlfriend before & that scares him.

Gotta go to Sleep!

Janie

October 6, 1981 Tuesday

Today I was feeling pretty bad, I missed school but went on to work. I’ve had a continuous sinus headache.

I keep thinking of Dee Ann & how I didn’t get to see her when she was in last weekend before last. Also - Cheryl’s getting married October 16th and I hardly know her now. I sure hate that!

I’ve also been just thinking about a lot of x-boyfriends & stuff. I feel very lonely & nostalgic.

Inseperables

When we’re young,

WE have so many friends.

Some, we consider life unlivable

Without them.

Then we branch off to

Different ways of life,

And our once closest buddies

Become just memories.

Where are they now?

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When first dating a guy,

I think they’re the best one

To ever come along.

Then we break up, and they’ve

Turned from something wonderful

To someone mean and horrible.

Later after I’m over the

Major heartache and begin

Analyzing our relationship,

This guy was just as good

As any other.

Why can’t I realize this

From the start?

It sure would save many

Lonely nights of crying.

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(For Alex-originally - anyone who commits suicide)

If he only knew how

People loved him.

If he only knew what good things

People said about him.

I for one can say he was the

Only person who could

Make me laugh.

Sure, I giggle a lot.

But I mean really belly-ache

Laughter.

I love him for that.

I hope he’s laughing now.

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I love people.

I really do.

I have a naturally

Deep emotion

For my family

And friends.

I wish they were as happy as me.

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MARRIAGE

Everyone around me

Is getting married.

Why?

Part of me would love it.

I’d get to move out.

No parents telling me

What to do.

Yet, I wouldn’t.

That’s not a reason

For marriage.

I’m having a wonderful

Time in life.

I don’t want to mess it up.

“I” will marry for desperate

Love

And nothing less….

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I have a hollow feeling

In my soul.

Why?

I have a marvelous family.

Terrific friends.

What’s missing?

Love.

Love from a man.

Will I ever receive

The love

I so desire?

October 26, 1981 Monday

Tonite on t.v., Melissa Gilbert played Deanie in “Splendor in the Grass.” She wasn’t as good as Natalie Wood, yet still bawled through the whole thing & afterwards. The story line is still so true to my life. Of course, it’s made me think of Carl an awful lot.

I still feel good & right about my standing up for what I believe in. Not many girls I know, would let a guy break up, just to do what you feel is really right. I’m proud of myself.

ENOUGH ON THAT!

Doug, Cam, Allison & I went to the State Fair last Tuesday. WE had a blast! I’m still not totally made up with Cam yet, but we’ll talk normally again. I’ll always feel that he should apologize to Mom. I don’t want to write in detail what happened. (2021 comment - is this when Cam told Mom that “Janie always says there’s never any food in the house” - and then Mom came into the living room and started throwing groceries at Cam and me. - still cracks me up!)

Cheryl’s wedding was beautiful. Her mom, Jimmie, has been bed-ridden. But she was at the wedding in a wheelchair. I nearly cried. I did at the reception when I hugged Cheryl’s neck. Guy was so cute too. They make a darling couple.

This Saturday, Halloween, I’m going to Robert Bevis’s party. I’m dressing as Cleopatra. Doug is portraying Cesar. He’s so funny. Doug’s pretty flipped over me. But I can’t seem to find him very attractive. He’s just a sweet guy & great friend.

I saw Kevin A. last Friday. He’s such a doll.

Gotta go!!

Out of all the guys I dated, here’s who I liked the best.

1) Russell Simpson

2) Tracy

3) Kevin all pretty much tied

4) Carl

All have big faults & all have great qualities.