OUT OF TOUCH OCTOBER 1986 - PART 2 (out of site, out of mind)
- Oct 27, 2021
- 17 min read
OCTOBER 13, 1986
Monday
I did call Kevin on Friday and we went to Chili’s on Saturday, then to a play American Jukebox, then to The Filling Station and had drinks. We had a really good time. Even when we got back, we visited a while more (til about 2:15 a.m.)
Yesterday, Sunday, I started crying at church. Later, I went to Bea’s and talked her ears off. It’s been a rough week or so.
Dear Precious, Please be Patient John:
TEE HEE! Wanna tell me to get over it? Okay, I will. (some of this you’ll already find out Thursday night.) When I got off the phone Sunday night from you, I cried a bit more, then turned out the light and prayed. I thianked God for al lthe good friends I have and the happiness he has given me even in my time of worry. Though this year has had some considerable trials, I met you, received $6,000 and realized who my really good friends are. Some of my closest are, of course, DeeAnn, Bea and nowadays I’d say July (my voice teacher.) These past couple of weeks I truly needed the crying jag. It had been so long since I had one that it was important. I DO apologize mainly for worrying you and distracting you from your studies. I’m truly glad that you have kept your mind on them as much as possible.
Another thing I definitely realized was how much we need each other. WE have been going through the same thing:
1. Overscheduled
2. No outlets
3. Stress altogether
4. Everyone expecting too much from us
5. Missing Each other (needing hugs)
6. And not enough sleep
We should be helping and understanding each other right now. I have been so worried and upset that I haven’t thought how much you need me until now. You do, you know. I love you and want to support you. I was upset for a while there and deservedly so, but now have almost regained my strength and am ready to help you. I feel what you need most is my loving support and suredness of our relationship.
I KNOW I am an emotional person (I told you that on the cruise.) But I don’t get mad easily and the emotions also bring out the tremendous love that I have inside of me. And I do love very well and easily. I can’t think of any enemies or persons I have even a partial resentment towards. Everyone thinks of people they don’t like. But I can’t.
We can only take things one step at a time. Right now the thing to do is for us to do our own things with loving letters and calls in between until Thanksgiving. We don’t ever want to get too busy that we forget each other. But your school is mandatory. Let’s get through it together, okay? You let me know how I can make it easier for you. If you really enjoy my letters, tapes, etc., I’ll keep it up until you get out. Maybe even more than before. If anything else, on a day that you're feeling disjointed and stressful a funny card or loving note might cheer you up. I love you and want what’s best for both of us. Just let me know you love and need me. That’s really all I ask. It’s not much. As far as the future goes, it’s the future and we’ll talk about that later. Let’s get my baby through school.
How’s your project with Nick coming along? I’d really like to know more about it. I’m rather confused as to any details.
If you hear or see from Johnny or Gerri, tell them “Hi”, okay?
DeeAnn called the other day just to say how much fun they had the other night. I’m so glad. I hope you had fun too!
I love you SS!
#669 (the fair game) TEE HEE!
P.S. Good luck on the GMAT! I’ll be thinking and praying for you!
OCTOBER 16, 1986
Thursday
Come back With that Same Look in Your Eyes
Well tonight John should call and give me his comments on my letter and tape. I wish he’d already have the recent letter by today (before he calls) but I’m sure he won’t. The postal service is slow up there. The first letter should have gotten there Monday, the emotional tape should have arrived Federal Express Tuesday. I mailed the second letter Tuesday noon and it should be there probably tomorrow. There (as you have read) is a tremendous difference between the first letter, tape and last letter. Yes, I am an emotional person.
In the tape, Side A (which I made some Friday night but most of Saturday, before Kevin and I went out,) I weepingly stated I had the feeling our relationship was over. On the flip side, Side B, I decided to read out of my journal the events of the cruise, how we met and our feelings of fate for each other. How we knew God brought us together and how well-suited we are. I felt a lot better after reading that, I expressed how sometimes I get insecure, but nothing that a few extra “I Love You’s” and maybe some flowers, etc. wouldn’t help. If you know what I mean. Since he got the tape Tuesday, I thought he might have called by now, but he HAS been really busy and Thursday is his night to call.
Since I’ve prayed over my situation and again (as always) realized how lucky I am to have the friends I have, etc. I have felt 75% better. After our talk tonight, I’m sure it will go up the other 25%. I was getting to where I was giving up on the relationship, but I tell you… the way we met, the time, expense and love we have already put into these 6 ½ months, the comfortability and acceptance we have with each other’s families and oh, just everything. Not to mention the musical knowledge we have in common. I DO love him!
A Matter of Trust - Billy Joel
October 16, 1986
Thursday
Dear John:
It is Thursday and you should be calling me tonight with some sort of comment about my letter and tape. You probably haven’t gotten the second, extremely optimistic letter. The one that makes me should like two different persons. Oh well. Such is life! We aren’t always pleasant and chipper. We’d be rather boring people if we only had one side.. Right? I hope you answer is right. TEE HEE!
Goodness. I tell you. This week has been SO much better than last week. Also I am still going strong period-wise. Seven full days and still counting. That’s unusual. I’ll write more tomorrow after our conversation tonight. I’m sure I’ll want to add some stuff.
I want to win something from the Prize Catalog! I’ve been thinking about deciding on the cars if I won the Fantasy Line. Because then I could keep one for myself, sell the other (depending on what car or cars I picked) and sell mine. For example, if I picked the Cadillac Convertible (which would be nice) I’d have a brand new Cadillac and then sell my car and keep the cash. But if I picked the Chevrolets I could keep the Corvette, sell the Cherokee and sell my car and keep the cash of both. A new car and more cash… better deal. Then there the Toyotas. I could keep the Cresida, sell the truck, Camry and FX16 and sell mine and keep the cash. Even better deal. New car and cash for four cars! That’s really a better deal for right now than even the gold coins. It’s a matter of what car I want for myself the most. Of course, I’d love that Cadillac more than the others, but the cash for the others makes up for it. I have always wanted a Mercedes also, but right now I like cash. Cars can only depreciate. But then sometimes Cadillacs and Mercedes go up in price. You’d think I’d already won. TEE HEE! (2021 - girl, WTH? - lol Publisher’s Prize Clearing House?)
Friday the 17th
Well, I have felt so much better all week after our conversation last night, I feel great! I really do! Baby, I love it when you call me “Love.” You love me, I can tell. TEE HEE!
I need to call Bryant to see if Bryant III can spend the night tonight. They were supposed to have gotten back with me by now. I think I’ll call him right now. I’ll be back!
Well, he can’t! Bryant has been out of town (last week was he and Barb’s first anniversary and they were in Colorado) and this week he was in Austin for business) so he hasn’t really seen him in a week and a half. I understand. But I’d like to spend the night soon because in a couple of weeks (the 27th) it’ll be Holly’s birthday and then I’ll be bhind. For Holly’s birthday I’m wanting to have Margaret also because somehow (I think with you being here and all this summer) I missed hers. I feel guilty. But she andHolly are buddies and will like spending the night together. Barb just called and I’m at least going over there to visit at 1:00 and spend the day/evening or whatever. Tonight I want to go see a movie. Stand by Me or Peggy Sue Got Married maybe just maybe Crocodile Dundee. It’s really not first on my list, though. I’ll see it though, sooner or later.
Page 2
I heard on the radio Footloose and Part time Lover. Guess what it reminded me of? I LOVE YOU! I guess I haven’t said that in a while. In fact, just looking back I haven’t mentioned it in this whole letter! Am I Sorry! I’ll say it again, then. I LOVE YOU! You’re my babe! (I sounded like a reject from the 60’s.) TEE HEE!
I’ve been trying to think of a way to come up the 5th for your Christmas Ball. I think maybe I can arrange it. I could charge the tickets on Mom and Dad’s credit card and pay them back. I told them last night I really don’t want anything for Christmas. They cracked up and Dad said “Come on, you’re our girl who makes up pages and pages of Christmas list!” I said “No, I just want to go to New York and a new formal.” They didn’t say No! Dad just said “You should have already gotten the tickets, the prices are going back up.” This is your senior year and I want to be a big part of it. I don’t want you to look back and realize you haven’t done anything. And, I want you to say “Janie, my ‘love,’ was there with me to see me through.” Ah! True Love! Aren’t we cute? Just precious! If possible, I MIGHT even get a black dress. Maybe Mom and I can compromise. She can buy the dress and I can buy the tickets. I’ve already bought SOME Christmas gifts, so I’ll be finished soon. Then November and December can be saved for NY. I LOVE YOU! I know I’ll freeze up there, but it’ll be great cuddling weather.
I was thinking, it might be fun to go down to our cabin on a Saturday with Nick and maybe Kevin or whoever when ya’ll are down for Thanksgiving. Is Nick going to stay the entire time, before and after Thanksgiving? Let me know soon, so I can ask Mom and Dad about the cabin. Also, I am more than willing to have turkey dinner with your family, since yours will be much more special than ours this year. But if we went to the cabin and spent at least a full day with Mom and Dad, that'll satisfy them, I think. I realize it’s going to be a little more difficult, but I’m determined to play most of the days by ear this time. I’m NOT going to drive myself crazy with too many plans. If my parents don’t like the idea of us spending too much time at your place, they’ll have to get over it. My parents are really very good about stuff like that.
(2021 - hmmmm)
Monday
I talked to you last night, but forgot to say I saw Crocodile Dundee last night. It was cute. Certainly not EXCELLENT (as you said) or GREAT (like Bryant said.) I really enjoyed it, but feel it’s more of a man’s movie. I enjoyed Ruthless People ten times more. I keep a record of all the movies I’ve seen and rate them according to my preference, and just looking over all of them, I realized I am a tough critic. I have trouble giving any movie much over *** on a scale of * - ****. I’d give Crocodile Dundee ** ¾ which is pretty good. I’d give Ruthless People *** ½. It’s a much more clever story. And I have to admit, I like people that I’ve seen before in a movie. I would say I even liked Back to School better and that’s funny because if you recall, it was hard to get me to go see that. Oh well!
I need to write Gerri a letter but keep forgetting to bring her new address from home. I have her home address not her school address.
Before Nick comes, I’d sure appreciate it if you could give me a rough idea of what we might be doing during that time. So I’ll know what to expect.
Well, I’m going to run this off so I can mail it this morning.
I LOVE YOU!
Very sincerely, Yours truly and all the other stuff!!
Janie
JB/669
P.S. I guess you can disregard all the part about me coming up December 5. Just let me know when you want me to come up, because I’ve been saving money. If we love each other, we should want to see each other as often as possible. Right?
Maybe I could come around my birthday? I’m going to hate being alone at my birthday with you up there. The 28th is on a Wednesday. Maybe I could come up the 30th. Also that would be a good break between Christmas and your birthday when you come down here.
TAKE CARE!
(2021 COMMENT - Long Distance relationships just suck… it’s obvious I was not good at them. I have always been an all er nothing gal - this was just getting too hard.)
OCTOBER 22, 1986
Wednesday
October 20, 1986 was Mom and Dad's 35th anniversary. "I" treated them to Steak & Ale to celebrate! They were sooo delighted!
Yesterday while riding home on the bus, I got extremely hot and, I don’t know maybe I wasn’t getting enough oxygen to the brain, TEE HEE, but I had practically talked myself into calling it off with John. At least, dating other people. I really had myself all psyched up for it. By the time I got off the bus and arrived at my church to get my Olan Mills pictures, I was laughing and calling myself crazy.
Today… is kind of another story. Steve keeps popping back into my mind. What’s stupid, is it’s not like he’s asking me out or anything. In fact, I was thinking of calling him to visit this weekend, probably after rehearsal on Sunday night. I don’t know why, exactly, but I’ve always wanted to get together and REALLY talk. If anything else, I can get his (a man’s) point of view. I have been rolling the idea over in my head about telling John I want to date other people. I may not REALLY date anyone else, but I want to be fought for. Yet, this just sounds like a lot of silly games and a big part of me hates that! Goodness! I don’t know! Terry and Carolyn (ladies I eat lunch with) don’t think I have Steve out of my system. I woke up in the middle of the night (and on the bus yesterday) thinking of him. I had I guess you could call a fantasy of being at Steve’s place talking and having a good time sitting on his couch. All different things popped into my mind from there from Steve leaning over and kissing me to telling him that I’ve been thinking of dating other people. Then he says “Anyone in particular?” and I say “yes, you!”
I truly think that Steve is nothing more than Mark Clayton. I mean a crush that’ll never be anything else. Someone I’ll always think is adorable and be very special to me. The difference between Mark and Steve is I was 18 then and 25 now. I look at things through a different light now. Quite different. I would feel secure leaning over and kissing a guy now… and then, I didn’t. Steve’s just precious, that’s all. And we relate well. Oh hell! So did John and I. I don’t know, we seem to. He’s so damn far away. - (aha - So Far Away… again)
I just talked to DeeAnn. She (Out of everyone else) relates best to ME. She said that when she and Brian were dating, he was at school and she was left here. She was in a production of Pirates of Penzance and went out with a guy, though dating Brian steadily. She kind of liked this guy, until… Brian came home. And it was goodbye to that guy and hello to Brian. That’s how she REALLY felt. She said it’s hard to remember how much you love someone when they’re not there. That’s true. If I was talking and laughing with Steve and John came up out of the blue, I’d jump away from Steve and give John the biggest hug and probably introduce the two of them, then leave with John. I love him SO much, I’m just so tired of being away from him.
OCTOBER 23, 1986
Thursday
I had a fun evening last night. First, I went to Sherri’s and visited before Choir. Then guess? Choir at 7:30. About 9:15 p.m., I went to Diana’s and Bea went with the two of us to Chili’s but she didn’t stay long because she had her baby, Alex, was with her and he was rowdy. Diana and I stayed until a little after 11:00 p.m. We had a lot of fun, as always.
I told them about my worries about me and John and how I felt about Steve, or just other guys, for that matter.
Somewhere Out there
Somewhere Out there - I remember driving (probably after Choir on Wednesdays) and seeing the moon and thinking John could be looking at the very same Moon..)
Friday
Dear Ever so Missed John:
I LOVE YOU! After we got off the phone last night, I cried for quite a while and then called DeeAnn and talked. Now, before you think to yourself “why does she cry all the time?” Just remember, I miss you! That’s why I cry. I want to be with you. I want to be with you, Mom and Dad tomorrow. But at the same time, it’ll be neat for the three of you to spend time together. It’s pretty special that ya’ll even want to.
(2021 comment- Mom & Dad were going to NYC for another business trip and don’t know who called who - but they all arranged to have dinner together and catch up. I do remember M&D saying that they felt something was off/wrong, coz John talked about himself and didn’t ask anything about me.--let’s see if I write about this onward.)
Monday
I STILL LOVE YOU! It was funny last night when you told me about Dad and what he ordered at the restaurant. That’s just like him asking what you suggest to order and then do his own thing. (Sounds like someone else I love.) Y'all do remind me of each other. Ever so bull-headed, always right and ever so wonderful. I guess you probably have already guessed I’m very close to my father. More So than Mary. Mary is close, but… I’m special to him I think. Mary gets aggravated with him and gets mad for a while, whereas I laugh. I think he’s funny when he gets that way. Sometimes you remind me so much of him it makes me laugh about you. The two of you have minds along the same path (with my brother and your father right there also.)
You said last Thursday night that I don’t know you very well. You’re wrong. I was just blubbering about other things that night. I KNOW for a fact that you will attempt and most likely do anything you set your mind to. That’s one of the reasons I love you so much. At the same time, if it doesn’t work out, it’s not failure, it’s experience. I do love you and respect you very much for that quality.
You made a funny comment last night that I sounded like I was melting over the phone. I probably was. I really wanted you badly yesterday. Yet, I was happy. Don’t worry. It was one of those extremely peaceful days that would only be more special with you there. A great cuddling day. When anything melts, it’s wet, right? Well if that’s true and it always has been, I was melting. Because, my dear, I was extremely wet when talking to you.
I will admit… I haven’t been too excited lately (Since you left last) talking with or about you. I’m sorry… But.. what’s great is, it’s back. You know what I did? I had talked myself out of loving you too much. In fact, I thought I had quit. I became too realistic and practical and nearly talked myself out of a special love. I had been saying to myself “With John not graduating til June, there is no use of talking future with him. I need to live one day at a time.” Then it became “With John being in New York and me here, far apart from each other, we should date other people, so as to not go crazy.” At first the idea was ludicrous, then it became near-truth. A couple of guys have been asking me out regularly and trying to convince me that you being in New York is no good for me. But I don’t know, something after our conversation and DeeAnn’s conversation last Thursday night, I knew better. I haven’t a reservation now. This one guy, (he’s divorced, anyway… not my type) asked me out for this weekend and I confidently said “Listen, I’m sorry but I’m going to ask you to leave me alone for now on. John and I are very much in love and I plan on staying that way. I will never find anyone who is a part of me again. I’m not letting him go.” This guy said he was sorry for bothering me and now realized he wasn’t ever going to get to me. I felt wonderful through all of that, John. I have known I’ve always loved you, but sometimes it takes temptation to test your true feelings. (uh-oh) I was looking for something to go wrong these past few weeks, and then after Saturday night, I haven’t ANY doubts and that’s why I was melting last night.
Saturday (I told you) that a group of friends and I went to the West End Marketplace. I was with Kevin Q., a friend, Kim from Austin, Barry, Sherri and Randall (whom you’ve never met.) Babe, I couldn’t stop talking about you. I walked into a leather shop and had a guy tell me I’d look great in leather pants and I said “Yeah, that’s what my boyfriend always says.” I guess you know, you can trust me. And I’ve had temptations. Not on my part, though. I DO love you and can’t wait for the day of use being together again like the summer.
We’re a special team and nothing, I mean nothing, is going to end it. As long as we keep the excitement. Sometimes it’ll be less than other times, but the future has to be in our minds, even in the back.
I’m about to go to lunch.
Try, if you can, to write me. Or make a tape a little at a time, if possible.
We’re special! Let’s always remember that!
I love you!
Janie (669)
I sure want you, these days!
P.S. Happy (five days late) 7 month anniversary!
(2021 comment-- again, John has told me that his work/school load was atrocious his senior year… I get that - but…)
OCTOBER 28, 1986
Tuesday
Dear SS #503:
What’s up? Last night I went to Holly’s 6th birthday party. She was sent to her room once, but for the most part it was fun. She tends to be an impatient child, and that impatience gets her in trouble. By the way, next Thursday night, the 6th, I will be babysitting over there, so if you call, the number is 289-0975. You might ought to keep a record of all these numbers; you might need them someday, especially Mom and Dad’s. A little 8 year old boy named Wesley came to Holly’s party but soon left because he hadn’t gotten permission to come over and his mom was furious. This boy is who Holly has a crush on. She’s crazy about him and was upset when he had to leave. He’s probably grounded now. He just showed up at the party and didn’t tell his mom. Those things happen.
Did you ever get grounded much as a kid? I didn’t as much as Mary or Bryant (Alex did more and more the older he got,) but still it happened a bit. One thing in particular, is Mom never wanted us to go to the creek at all, really, but sometimes we did and we always got grounded, if found out. But it was always so much fun to go. It’s really hard for a kid to stay away from a creek. Usually it was Alex AND me. I hardly went (at a young age) by myself. Now later in junior high, etc. I went a lot by myself and with other friends.
Wednesday
Hey Babe, I got you Babe! (This is where I fling my hair back behind my shoulders and snap my bubble gum.) TEE HEE!
It’s nearly 11:20 and I am starving! I have to wait 10 more minutes.
Thursday
I LOVE YOU! Yes, I do! This letter is probably over. I was SO busy yesterday I never had a chance to write any more than I did. And now I have a big rush and can’t type anymore. Oh well! I think I’ll end it here and type more tomorrow after our conversation tonight. I hope you remember to call at my parents’ house.
I LOVE YOU!
Janie
October 25, 1986
OH DEAR! Had sooo much fun with Kevin, Kim Franco, Roger, Barry and Randall! Randall grabbed me at least twice - once under the table, on my thigh and later around a corner from the others... We almost kissed!!
Out of Sight, Out of Mind or Absence Makes the Heart Grow fonder?
Out of Touch by Hall & Oates
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