SEPTEMBER AFFAIR - (Come Back with the Same Look in Your Eyes) - 1986
- Oct 21, 2021
- 10 min read
Updated: Oct 25, 2021
SEPTEMBER 2, 1986
Tuesday
In this movie, they met on a cruise
Come Back with That Same Look in Your Eyes
Well John was here this weekend; Labor Day for three days. He came Friday night and left Monday night.
FRIDAY - His plane was late and he was in my arms at 9:00 p.m. (His plane was an hour late.) We went straight to my apartment and opened the bottle of Cold Duck. We sat on the couch and kissed. It was very romantic! We reassured our desires for marriage that night and talked much more of what he is committed to do.
September 2, 1986
Tuesday - The day after Labor Day weekend
This letter will be conglomerated with many random thoughts. I was writing in my daily journal and thought about something within our conversations this past weekend.
Here goes… When we were talking about hugging, showing affection, etc. within families, you made a comment that patting someone on the back was a grandmotherly gesture. I do that a lot. I didn’t really view it then as maybe you think I shouldn’t do that, but now feel maybe that’s what you meant. That’s me and I can’t and don’t want to change. I don’t think that’s grandmotherly, necessarily. And if so , maybe they have the right idea. They’re old enough to look back and know it’s silly to hold back; life’s too short. I would never want to change and maybe the people who don’t want to hug, don’t ever want to change. That’s their prerogative. I do, feel though, that being very affectionate is the right way to be. Heck, you are. I want our kids to be. But don’t say I’m like a grandmother by being affectionate. I would HOPE that’s a reason you love me. I’m very loving and genuine with people and only expect the same in return. I don’t expect any more than I give out.
There. That feels better.
Also talking about getting married in December of ‘87 or January ‘88. You said you want to have a job offer first. Well let’s face it, we’ll need six months to a year (latter preferably) to plan the wedding, reception/dance, etc. Which by brilliant deduction, means we’ll be engaged before you start SMU; way before, if we’re smart. So… what if you don’t get a job offer before our marriage date? The arrangements will be in process WAY before you enter SMU, I’m sure. But that time, hopefully, things will be pretty much taken care of. This is all stuff I know I should have thought of while you were here, but they’re also the kind of stuff I only think of when I’m alone.
Whew! My mind is triggered all the time. I’m truly glad we have all our time that we have. We need it! At the same time, I hate it when we’re apart. I do tend to think negatively. Truthfully? I’m not going to believe any of this until there is a ring on my finger. And then, I’m not sure what I’ll believe. I’ll have a whole new set of questions for you then, concerning the faith of our vows, a lot of questions like “What if?” I refuse to be stuck in any bad situation. Oh gosh! I’m sorry for all this, but I’m writing exactly what’s popping into my head. Sometimes That’s good for me. It’s kind of like what you’re always saying about what all goes in and out of your mind in a spilt second. I’m trying to organize my thoughts a bit and just put them down on paper.
YOu know that guy here at work (Mark) that I said Karen has a thing for, sorta, he brought her and all of us donuts today. For no really good reason. He’s really nice. But she couldn’t even say thank you. She was blushing so much. She has what I Call a school girl crush.
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I’m going to mail this pretty soon, so I want to write whatever else is on my mind now. I just want you to get this soon and call me with your comments. Someday, you could always write to me. You used to! I never call you so, that makes us even!
I really did enjoy this weekend together. Both of us were so tired all the time, but I think that was good, to be totally relaxed and restful.
I really wish you hadn’t told me about what you felt Jeff was thinking on the inside. I don’t see how you could have someone as a best man who has that kind of hostility against me. And he may not even. That’s why you shouldn’t have told me. Now I might see it even when it’s not there. Just stick with Johnny. Truly warm and genuine. For some crazy reason, I feel like crying right now. You just left yesterday; I should feel wonderful but I Feel horrible.
The whole point I’m trying to make is… I’m just a warm, open, loving type person (down-to-earth.) My best qualities. And sometimes I truly have trouble with people who aren’t the same.
We didn’t even hug before you got on the plane. I can’t believe that!
Oh God! I’ll be glad when my classes have begun again. I’m going to take a hot bath tonight.
You kind of scared me when you called the guy at the airport “Pig ________________” I’ve never heard you say anything like that before.
Oh John, a lot of this stuff on another day would seem humorous to me; especially that last thing. But I’m so sleepy and exhausted, I’m sure I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. But I feel I wrote them for a reason.
Please call soon, the night you get this, maybe.
I love you, I really do!
Janie
P.S. Just scared, I guess.
September 8, 1986
(Letter to John)
Dear Artful John: (always has to be a different salutation)
Since you’re dealing with an extremely contemplative, analayzing mind this Monday morning, I can’t guarantee what this letter will be like. It will possibly be extremely long and rather pensive; definitely jumbled and spontaneous.
If you recall, last night was our conversation about my tate-a-tate with my mom about marriage (failed and successful), generosity to other people, and some dealing with Alex and suicide. I’m typing all right off my head in a formal similar to a tape. Some of this letter will be repeated stories so I can tell you a little more about them and explain some feelings from my side. I know you HATE repetition, but oblige me. Okay?
I am in a very loving, forgiving type of mood. The type of mood one should be in at all times. I started feeling it Friday beginning with Karen telling me that we’re thinking about having a shower for June. You know, John, it’s rather hard being an exact division of my mom and dad. For instance… on my dad’s side, I made a funny face to Karen about doing this. I thought “what has she ever done for us?” but didn’t say that to Karen. But the face gave the message. From my expression she said “Well, Janie, they gave ME a shower when I lived with someone” then my thought was “yeah, but you didn’t have a five year old son and were just now getting married.” Of course, I didn’t say any of this. Karen then said “and you’re going to want to have a shower next year or whenever when you get married.” which is true. This whole conversation went on at the end of the day so not much more was said. I did say “I’ll do whatever everyone wants to do.” which was good enough.
During the last 30 minutes of the day when it was just June and I left, we visited a little bit. Certainly a lot more than the past few weeks. It was rather on the enjoyable side. You know, John, though she really made me steam during all that stuff, I felt better that we were getting along. (I’m not a harbor of grudges type of person, and if I do, I certainly do not enjoy it.) We even walked to the bus together, then parted company and wished each other a good weekend. I felt good about that.
This is what I’m talking about. It is hard being split personalities of my mom and dad. My dad would have NEVER talked to her again and blown her off with no problem. My mom’s attitude, on the other hand, is “it’s better to be offended than be the offender.” Now, whether you agree with that or not, that’s certainly the Christian point of view. But sometimes, it’s hard to be that way all the time. In the real world. Let’s face it, I would love for everyone to love me and everybody, but the world will never be that way. Even though Mom feels this way, she is very realistic; and sometimes more than Dad. I really admire both of them, but Mom is so honest and full of integrity. She’s truly one of the best persons I’ve ever met. She, Bea and my boss, Mary Faye. But it’s people like Dad, LouAnn and you who give the world some spice, sense of humor and fun. That’s why I really like being a mixture of the two. Maybe not quite as split as the two, but close.
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John, as much as we love each other, I want to be careful. I don’t want our intense love for each other and physical attraction to overshadow realism. That’s what Mary did. She was so physically attracted to John, it clouded over his temper tantrums and HIS inability to cope with being Mexican. (2021 - Hispanic) _ I want to be smart. As I was saying last night, it’s extremely important for us to love and respect each other for who we are now, because on the most part, there’s no changing us. Especially when I’ve had similar feelings, needs and desires since I’ve been two (or as long as I can remember; and if I’m not mistaken, you’re the same way.) I do love, respect and admire you SO much, but also know where you (as well as everyone else in this world) have some faults. But I Find them amusing and sometimes justified (i.e. prejudices, etc.) I feel that there’s some ways I’ll be able to teach you things and vice versa. And I don’t just mean book knowledge. I mean people knowledge. We’re both good in that respect. I LOVE YOU! As the card says “We’re not perfect, just perfect for each other.” I really do believe that. I hope my intuitions are right, about each other, I mean.
Gotta go to lunch, there’s a rumbly in my tumbly.
I do get excited talking about marriage, sometimes more than others. Today I feel really optimistic about the whole thing. Last week, no. And that’s weird because you’d think after our Labor Day weekend, I’d feel great, but I didn’t. Too many things were bothering me last week. It was just a plain, bad week. So I’m looking at it for what it was and deleting it from my mind. I do still have many questions and before long, will have them taken care of. As of right now, I couldn’t tell you what they are. By the way, Thursday when you come is Sept. 25 not the 28th. The 28th is when you’ll probably be back. I really wish it wasn’t September, t thought because that means we’ll go a REALLY long time before seeing each other again. I thought you had SOME break around the 10th of October or so.
Maybe you can come up for MY concert November 8. After rehearsal yesterday (and only our first) it’s going to be a good show. The “Big Spender” number is really gonna be good, and i have no hesitations about my solo. It would mean a lot to me. You might stay with your parents that weekend, so they can come also, if they want to. My parents came to yours. (2021 comment - JK, do you remember this at all?) Anyway, it’s all a thought. I may not have this good a solo, etc. in a long time. Let’s face it. “I Enjoy Being a Girl” is ME, Janie Boren. And you’d probably like to see me as a prostitute. We’ll see. (hahahahaha)
There’s [probably more I’d like to say, but am afraid that any more paper will be too much for the card and envelope. I love you, and take care.
Love,
669 (your adorable, romantic realist)
_________________________________________________
From John as of 9-11-2021 (almost 35 years ago to be EXACT)
"Btw sept of 86 was probably finals and the start of coast guard license prep classes so it’s highly likely that you wrote more than I did because of my workload."
SEPTEMBER 12, 1986
I found out late yesterday afternoon that I’m going to be given a subpoena for the 22nd of this month. This will be relating the DART bus accident (or supposed) on February 14 wherein the bus driver claims he doesn’t know anything about the whole ordeal. He tried to lie and get away with it all but instead became discharged.
(Don’t know if I’ll write more about this later, but remember being the last or one of the last riders thru a neighborhood a bit east of Shiloh and Ferguson, and he hit a parked car and made the side mirror break - any maybe fall? It was very upsetting for me. He kept denying it and I had to refute his testimony.)
SEPTEMBER 16, 1986
Tuesday
Last night I started back to Voice Class. Oh, it was nice! I’m the type of person who needs to be busy. It felt good. Most of my favorite people were back, Steve in particular. I sure adore him.
SEPTEMBER 18, 1986
Thursday
I’ve felt kind of bad the past two days. I left a little early on Tuesday from work and missed all day yesterday. I had some weird sort of stomach virus bug with a slight fever. John called me Tuesday night and we talked for quite a while about how much we missed each other but it’s driving us crazy, because there’s nothing we can do about it. By the time I got off the phone, I just wailed and I was crying so much. I immediately called DeeAnn and we talked for about an hour. Through our conversation, I realized how much I need to trust John and what he says. He does really love me, he just knows what’s best as far as telling his parents. I also understood more how it hurts for me to get to talk about our future plans, etc. DeeAnn said that she’s sure he feels left out, and doesn’t want me saying things until he can join in on the fun too. That makes a lot of sense. It’s times like these, that I know why DeeAnn is my best friend. She reinstates my optimism.
Last night, John, out of the blue, (I stayed home from Choir because I was sick) called just to say he loved me. He couldn’t talk but a minute but he actually took the time to call and say he loves me. Oh God! How I needed that. That’s the kind of stuff I like. Unexpected love and gratitude. That’s the way it should be. I need to start keeping my lip buttoned and only talk to DeeAnn and sometimes (but not all the time) Mom. I don’t need to tell LouAnn and everyone here at work my detailed, personal life. There’s no need. Besides as crazy as I am about LouAnn, we’re very different people and she’s much more cynical and pessimistic than me. John is exactly the way I’ve always seen him, I just have to keep that faith. I DO love him and he obviously loves me.
I Just Called to say I Love You
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