TELL ME ON A SUNDAY (No BIG Song AND Dance) - December 1-12 1986 - Part 1 (EDITED)
- Nov 9, 2021
- 13 min read
Updated: Dec 2, 2021
DECEMBER 1, 1986
Monday
Well, John and I are no more. For sure. Outside of me JUST “knowing” inside, he sent me a “Dear Jane” letter last Tuesday night. Possibly a poor taste thing to do. It’s hard to believe because I thought it was SO perfect at one time.
(For All we Know - Nat K Cole)
I was just looking back and figuring things out. He had to have changed his mind from loving me to feeling like I’m a sister in two weeks (about 10 days.) That’s just hard to believe. I wish he’d tell me the real reason. I really don’t think it’s just that the feelings are not there anymore. (2021 comment - After the State Fair weekend in October, my gut told me it wasn’t right… So my gut was right and I tried everything.. But I knew… - even finding myself newly attracted to Randall once again.)
Lou Ann nearly talked me into that he can’t be trusted, but that’s not true. He just is at a totally different stage of life than me. If it weren’t for distance and age, we’d have no problems. I really feel that. Some other things are wrong and need mending, but those things are not the culprit. I don’t know, his parents might have suggested to calm things down. You never know. His career and ambition is so important to his parents and him. I can’t tear him down; he’s great, just not ready for me. I think it’s as simple as that. It’s a shame. Because we sure had it great for a while. Lou Ann may never agree with me, but she never REALLY saw us together. My family and some of my friends at home were really surprised that we broke up after seeing us together.
Didn't we Almost Have it All?
DECEMBER 2, 1986
Tuesday
On the most part I did really well yesterday, even though it was hard explaining to people about John and me and there’s still more to come, of course. A lot of people don’t know yet. But I guess the gist of my friends/acquaintances know.
BACK TO JANIE AND HER BEAUS :)
I saw a guy on the bus, Ken, that I’ve gone out with once but is just a friend, and told him about John and me. He (like everyone else) was shocked. I don’t remember what we were talking about (something related to John, etc.) and I felt him looking through me as if analyzing what was underneath. I asked him what he was doing and mentioned he looked as if he was probing the insides of Janie Boren. He said he was. When I asked what he saw, Ken said he saw a very sweet, nice easy-to-get-along with person. I meekly smiled, but to myself I wanted to cry. People are always saying that to me and that’s wonderful, I’m proud of it, but at the same time, it makes me mad because if I’m so wonderful, why don’t I become married? How come a guy hasn’t realized how great I am? Oh I think some of my guy friends realize that, but they’re just friends. I think that’s the key. To get them to know and love me for me before anything else emerges.
I just had a good lunch and feel a whole lot better.
Also at 8:00 p.m., Diana, Bea and Melinda (probably just about my closest friends right now) and we all blabbed til midnight. By the time they left (we did some crying and a lot of laughing) I felt great and it’s carried over into today. I also have had more of a chance to reevaluate John. You know, it’s hard to admit this, but I was plain swept away by the sheer “fairy tale” of it all. I really feel he wanted to marry me at one time and when it got down to serious reality, he couldn’t cope It may be just that simple. Then after panicking for a while, he talks himself out of feeling anything for me. He’s probably never admit that, but it makes a lot of sense. Judy suggested that in the future to look back and observe the whole person before falling in love. Of course, that’s easier said than done. In this particular case, it happened quicker than I could catch my breath and ended just as quickly. Things like that usually happen. I love him and always will love our romance that could be straight from a movie, but… it wasn’t real. It’s a shame fairy tales can’t come true if you’re young at heart (no matter what Frank Sinatra says.) TEE HEE!
*** Addendum ***
Apparently, I never wrote about it from “The Letter” onward. Tuesday, November 25th before Thanksgiving, I finally went to the mailbox and found that “Dear Jane” letter. I remember being, to say the least, stunned and couldn’t move holding the letter loosely in my hand. He called me later that night and I was still in shock. He reiterated how I was like a sister to him.. really?
I remember missing work the next day because I was crying sooo much. It was a Wednesday and I would have Thursday, Friday and weekend to recoup - so I did.
Thanksgiving Day was at Bryant & Barb’s house. I kept hearing the song This is the Time to Remember and started bawling and walked out the front door. Barb came out and hugged me and said “This one really hurts, doesn’t it?” yep - the same exact thing Judy Ritchie said to me at Voice lessons.
This is the Time to Remember
Billy Joel
Friday - John came over.. Why? I don’t know - to say goodbye, I guess. Think I asked him “What went wrong? What did I do wrong?” He couldn’t tell me…
John left.
***
Not two hours later, eager knock on the door. I opened it to a peppy “Hello there!” It was Randall. Oh Bless his heart! I told him John and I just broke up. “Hmmm…. Looks like I’m here just in time!” God love him!
WEIRD it was written February '83 and it REALLY pertained after John's and my break-up. Randall was always a rare, breath of fresh air!
DECEMBER 5, 1986
Friday
Last night I went over to Mom and Dad’s and gave Mom a birthday card and her gift, which is a ticket to Dallas Symphony and Chorus. We’re going with Bill, his mom, Miriam, Judy and there’s an extra ticket and I’m not sure who’s going. I think Bill and Judy want me to invite someone else, but I really don’t want to. If it gets down to the wire, I’ll invite Kevin Q, he’ll go anywhere (tee hee.)
Yesterday I sent Kevin Knight (John’s bro) a Christmas gift of “Soundboard” magazine. I was already going to get him that and I decided that I still wanted to do it whether John and I broke up or not. That has no relevance on my feelings for Kevin. I truly care and love him.
***Kevin K and I ran around many times when dating John and even when we broke up. I know at least two times we also went out with Lynette Rutledge, a fun, single friend at A&A. One time I remember us both kissing him on his cheeks and making him laugh. He was lots of fun! ***
DECEMBER 9, 1986
Tuesday
Goodness! What to do? Okay. John and I are through. The next thing to do is… go on with my life. But to do what? I had my future planned around him. It solved my working situation, love life, etc. I was down on my job, but I could handle it knowing I was going to marry John and then a little later I’d have kids, therefore, it wouldn’t work anymore at all.
I’ve been doing pretty well, but I have been a little out of it. Last night was my Voice Recital and I totally forgot about it. Of course, I haven’t been going to class (have had no desire) and didn’t know. This Saturday, I’m singing at La Bore’ (nursing home) and don't have the music for The Christmas Song which I’m supposed to do.
Nothing truly sounds really exciting to do. I’d like to start off dating again, but the trick is, meeting people. As always. I guess I’m going to have to start flirting again and showing that I’m single. I still act quite taken. Bea’s brother, Louis and I are going to lunch after church on Sunday, but we’re just friends. We’re splitting the bill. I’m not sure he’d really ask me out or not. I’m not sure that I really want to. Ho hum!
Dee Ann is coming over tonight and we’re exchanging gifts! Just she and I! I can’t believe it. No Brian! For the first time since they’ve been married. That’ll be great. I can talk to her about my feelings or lack thereof.
I know I miss John and really would rather have him back the way it was at one time. But, honestly, I feel there were some big problems between us (or others) that would have split us up in the end, anyway and better now than later. I sometimes felt uncomfortable with his parents. I did on the cruise until we became "an item" and then I felt funny. It only became worse as time went on. Then it did get better. But only slightly. Also we couldn’t talk about anything that wasn’t fun. John didn’t want it to ruin our good times. So I guess that’s what we had together, just a bunch of good times. One thing for sure. I loved him more than he loved me. What a shame.
DECEMBER 10, 1986
Wednesday
DeeAnn came over last night for a couple of hours and we visited. It was fun.
I’ve been spotting and don’t know why. I thought I had started my period, but apparently, I have not. DeeAnn says it’s nerves and emotions. This has never happened to me.
I’ve decided IF John calls me over the Christmas holidays, I’m not seeing him. What good would it do? Even when Gerri and Johnnie come, I don’t want to go out together. Why? It would only be an evening of goodbyes for life. Who knows? It might be fun, but more so it would be awkward and possibly embarrassing. The only person I’d want to see is Kevin. I would really like to keep up a relationship with him. I like him too much. I hope he calls me when he finds out I sent him “Soundboard” magazine. It’s kinda funny. I, of course, am talking about just really enjoying someone. I always enjoyed our conversations and I can’t remember too many conversations (anyway) that I actually enjoyed with John. Conversations on the cruise, one 1 ½ hour conversation when I was moving from one apartment to the other and the last time I was in NY, we had a good conversation. Three in all. That’s it in 8 months. Pretty bad. I can remember at least that many with Kevin and I barely saw him alone. What a shame. For some crazy reason, (and it may not even work) I feel Kevin may shed some light on the whole conversation. God, I hate being in mystery. I just strongly feel there’s more to all this than John not loving me anymore. It’s just too strange.
DECEMBER 11, 1986
Thursday
Today I feel really good! Thursdays are always good days with me. I guess it’s because I always feel good the day after Choir Practice in church. I think it’s just church, in general. I really enjoy my church friends at this point better than anyone. Not that they are just understanding and interesting to talk to, they’re fun! I want to do something with Melinda, Ken, Diana, Bill and Louis for New Year’s Eve. Louis and I are having lunch after church this Sunday. I’m going to see if he has any plans for New Year’s Eve. Richard and Bea would do something too, except they’re always out of town on New Year’s Eve. Their whole family (Richard’s family) goes to Padre Island every year for Christmas and New Year’s. Ken has been out of work now for almost six weeks. I hope he gets a job real soon; before Christmas, would be nice.
I am also feeling a lot better about the situation with John. In fact, I’m ready to stop talking about him. There are a lot of people who still don’t know or at least, don’t know the story behind the breakup, but I’m ready to date some people again. But, as so frequently before, where and who? I’m really hoping (privately) that after our “platonic” lunch that Louis will ask me out. But, with him being Bea’s brother, I’m not telling a soul. Not even DeeAnn. This time I’m finally going to play some things smart. If we do start going out, I want it to be our decision (Louis’) not his sister or any fix-up from church. I’m sure he’d feel the same way. I’ve heard Bea say before that Louis hates it when people try to fix him up with others. With me not telling anyone about us going to lunch, it looks exactly what it is. I enjoy his company and want to get to know him better. End of statement.
Listen to me, world! As always, I bounce right back and doing so very well, I may add. It took a couple of weeks but that’s it. Some people take a whole lot longer than that.
DECEMBER 12, 1986
Friday
Dear John:
First of all, I apologize for typing, but my hand would get awfully tired and it would possibly take too much paper freehand. Okay I’ll stop.
What’s up? Are you surprised to get this card? Well, you shouldn’t be… you know what a nice person I am. TEE HEE!
Just to reflect on everything for a little bit.
I know you don’t like to rehash over things gone by but we can really learn a lot by talking or at least, me writing about everything. We owe each other that much. Eight months is quite some time and especially two people who at one time thought quite seriously about marriage. Both of us.
When I talked to you on the phone right after reading the letter; THE LETTER! Sounds ominous! I felt that if we hadn’t been apart for so long, it wouldn’t have ended. I really believe “Out of Sight, Out of Mind,” NOT “Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder.” After two weeks or more now, I’ve had more time to reflect and feel quite differently. I feel that if you had graduated last June, even, we might not have lasted two months. You know, John, it’s really strange. If we were to write down our likes and dislikes… yes, we’d have many of the same things written down and it would blow us away comparing the similarities. But our souls are different. Possibly our values are quite different. Though we agree politically, we wouldn’t fight for the same causes. You know me (maybe), I’m real pro rights for charities, rights for the handicapped, etc. I truly feel that people are mostly equal and deserve a fair break. And… money isn’t everything. It scared me one of the last times we talked and you went on and on about being a millionaire and having your own business, etc. I will be content (for the first year or two of marriage) to live in a small apartment and work my way up beside my husband. These are all things I would have talked to you about if I had seen you at Thanksgiving as originally planned. I realize money helps and it’s very nice to have it. But that does not make happiness. As far as marriage goes, I would prefer to have a less ambitious man with plenty of potential rather than ambition bound from the start and working all the time with no time for me. I want a man who would put me at least tied with his job as far as importance goes, but actually, I want to be a step ahead of his job and his main reason for doing well would be for his family. That’s the way I want it, otherwise, not at all. Like DeeAnn and Brian. He’s becoming more successful all the time but nothing comes before DeeAnn in his mind. He can’t wait to get home to her, I want that.
I realize you’re only 21 and have the whole world opening up to you. I feel that’s really important to you and that’s great. I truly hope you get exactly what you want. I really mean that. But here’s a suggestion. Find your true niche’ in life, do it, become settled with it, then become really involved with someone. One has to be settled with himself before he can with anyone else. I know that for a fact. I’m probably only just now totally settled and content with myself. It took me 25 years. (Well, truth be known, and this is where we understand each other, I’ve always been content with myself. TEE HEE.)
I don’t know. Maybe you’re reading this and thinking to yourself how I don’t understand you and you may think I’m wrong. You probably do. That only adds reason to our break-up. But of course, I feel this is all true. I wonder if we ever really understood each other.
But… God! It was fun, wasn’t it? You know, the ONLY thing I’d change would be the way it ended. Poor ending. Well, I guess you realize that now. Hopefully, you regret (at least a bit) THE LETTER. Dum da dum dum! It’s almost funny now. Almost. I wonder if there is a way to take away the bitter taste of that. I guess you know never to tell a girl she’s like a sister to you again. Oh John. I have a feeling one day you’re going to look back and won’t be able to believe you said that.
We should have talked (in person), mutually ended it, spent all day together and popped a cork for good times. I’m serious about that. It would have been a much better ending for a fairy tale story. And that’s what it was. So much that we were unreal about all of it. But that added to the charm, I believe. Swept away by romance abruptly and ending the same way. OH, if you could read my mind on the way we could have ended this. Sorry to say this kiddo, but you picked the worst possible way of all. Oh well. C'est la vie! Not good enough. Maybe you could make this one up to me. My birthday is January 28. TEE HEE!
I feel excellent and am really excited about Christmas. It’s going to be great! I have a lot to do (for some reason a lot of parties this year) so this should be one of the best.
Read the card one more time. I mean it.
Take care! This (I think) about does it all. Tell your bro to call me. I enjoy him. 271-4596.
Sincerely,
Janie
***As always, the musical Song and Dance poignantly reflected me feelings. again, this was the Broadway play with Bernadette Peters we saw together...
(Tell Me on a Sunday from song and Dance)
Don't Write a Letter when you want to Leave...
Bernadette straight from the play "Song and Dance"
Don't write a letter when you want to leave. Don't call me at 3 A.M. from a friend's apartment. I'd like to choose how I hear the news. Take me to a park that's covered with trees. Tell me on a Sunday please.
Let me down easy, no big song and dance. No long faces, no long looks, no deep conversation. I know the way we should spend the day. Take me to a zoo that's got chimpanzees. Tell me on a Sunday please.
Don't want to know who's to blame, it won't help knowing. Don't want to fight day and night bad enough you're going.
Don't leave in silence with no words at all. Don't get drunk and slam the door, that's no way to end this, I know how I want you to say goodbye. Find a circus ring with a flying trapeze. Tell me on a Sunday please.
I don't want to fight day and night, bad enough you're going. Don't leave in silence with no words at all. Don't get drunk and slam the door, that's no way to end this.
I know how I want you to say goodbye. Don't run off in the pouring rain. Don't call me as they call your plane. Take that hurt out of all the pain.
Take me to a park that's covered with trees. Tell me on a Sunday please.
(rather poetic? the one Broadway musical I saw with him - started and ended the same way)
Bernadette Peters singing from Song and Dance - the only Broadway play I've seen and the one John and I saw in May 1986
(2021 comment - OMG - Did I NOT think at the time how this was the same story as "Tell Me on a Sunday?" from Song & Dance? OH MY - I think I did)
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