TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE JANUARY 1987 - Part 2 (Edited)

JANUARY 13, 1987

Tuesday

Last night was interesting and fun. Barry first called right after work and told me he wasn’t going skiing. I quickly ended that conversation because I didn’t want to again get riled up about it.

After a while, Randall came over and we visited quite a bit then went and got a banana split sundae for dinner. We did a lot of laughing. When we came back, we went for a walk (though it was rather cold) down my apartment path (it goes into a bunch of trees) and up another path to Memorial Stadium and acted totally crazy. At one point, he had me lean on the stadium gate and kissed me. Randall then said it seemed like a scene from a movie. I agreed and said “That’s one of the best things you can say to me.” We then went running around the parking lots with him chasing me. We had fun.

JANUARY 14, 1987

Wednesday

I had a good morning on the bus already. Tim Crone is so fun. I really wish he was taller. I know height shouldn’t matter, but he’s about 5 ft. 4 in. or so. Really short. He reminds me a lot of Mike Burton, who’s also tiny but not quite like Tim. He’s really sharp and funny. 2021 - Just Caught the Tiny Tim reference - lol)

JANUARY 15, 1987

Thursday

Today at lunch I’m going shopping for a couple of sweaters to wear with skirts. The weather is getting worse outside, but as long as it’s not raining, I’ll go. Tonight after work, I’m going out to eat with a friend here named Elaine Vavra. She’s an art major (2 years of art from A&M) and we have a lot in common. She broke up with her boyfriend about the same time John and I broke up. So, as little as we see each other, we manage to talk quite a bit. We decided we need to go out for happy hour and dinner. That ought to be fun and especially since I’m off tomorrow. I have a dentist appt. In the morning and later, my chair should be delivered. I’m excited. (2021 LOOOVVED Elaine! - stay tune we do a lot together! She was in my wedding party - overseeing signing the Welcome Book)

Saturday I start volunteer work at the Autism House. This should be a good weekend, though, the weather may hold me back some. It’s supposed to get in the 30’s before the day’s out, its 50 now. That’s Texas for you. Well, it’s 4:50 and the temperature is still in the 50’s. But they’re predicting snow by Saturday. I may not be able to go volunteer this Saturday. I guess if I can’t go on Saturday, I’ll go Monday night or maybe even Sunday, if the weather gets better.

JANUARY 19, 1987

Monday

I had a rather pensive weekend. Not much happened anywhere except in my mind. I feel really dissatisfied after the weekend mostly due to my group of friends, especially Barry. He has really been on my nerves so much lately that I can’t enjoy myself to the fullest.

FRIDAY - I stayed home from work, went to the dentist, my new Queen Anne chair was delivered, went to El Chico with Mom and Dad, got my hair cut and made it home for a nap before Randall came and got me around 7:30 or so. He stayed around (Sherri came over) then we went to Barry’s about 8:00. Kevin Q came over too and we all went to Bennigan’s (that was fun) then came back over to Barry’s and visited. I had gotten rather tipsy and Barry was acting crazy and we were dancing all over the apartment. Sometimes I feel if I’m sober and straight, they all will be too. In other words, it’s all up to me to be the example for everyone else. That tends to put pressure on my shoulders. None would probably admit I’m right, but I do feel it’s true. By the time Randall brought me back home, we were very sleepy and he went straight home, pretty much.

(2021 comment - This picture was taken in the bedroom of our cabin. STILL have it in mint condition. And I still think it's absolutely gorgeous!!)

This is a copy of a letter to Gerri Selemi

January 20, 1987

Dear Gerri:

Surprise!!!! Guess who?

This letter may ramble on, but here goes.

I’m at work and bored to tears. I seem to be bored a lot these days. Let me tell you why I’m writing. I have been thinking a lot about you and I wanted you to know how much I enjoyed you that one weekend. Only one weekend, and you and Johnnie made a big impact on me. I have thought a lot about you and didn’t know whether to write or not, but I thought it important to tell you how much our brief meeting meant to me. You know, I hate break-ups. One main reason being the lost contact between people along the way. The night we went to the June Dance was one of the best nights of my life and because you were a big part of it, I thought I should tell you that. You know, I love meeting people and getting to know them, but only very special people make me incredibly comfortable with the first meeting. I was always telling John that you and Johnnie were extremely special and I was always wanting Johnnie to be his best friend. I realistically saw us as being life-time friends and even if we weren’t in the same town or state, we’d visit each other and write because not only would our husbands be great friends, you and I were, and we felt that kinship at the first meeting.

Listen, I don’t want you to feel sad. I think I know you well enough that you might do that. Don’t! I don’t know what you heard about the whole thing, but the relationship had some rough spots since (oh I don’t know) well, way before the actual break-up… on both parts. I sent him a tape in October or so telling John I thought it was over. So his letter was upsetting but not shocking. (Does that make sense?) - (2021 comment - uh, it was truly a bit both upsetting and shocking or… was it a dream/fantasy wasted, thrown away?)

I really hope I’m not making a mistake writing this. But, I have always been the type of person to tell people when they mean something special to me. I’ve had people who have asked questions like “Why did you want to go out,” or “Why did you call?” and my answer would be something like “Because I love you.” A fact. I always felt if someone couldn’t handle that, it was their problem and then I would do everything possible to make it not a problem.

So with all that out of the way, how are you? (This can be a rhetorical question.) Things are going well on this side. The same day John came over and we had our final talk (sort of) I had a date that night with a guy, Randall, whom I have seen off and on for four years. He always seems to show up after a break up. He told me THIS time, now that he caught me between boyfriends, he was going to stay around. It kind of reminded me of the line in Gone with the Wind (GWTW) where Rhett Butler said “I want to marry you. I can’t go my whole life trying to catch you between husbands.”)

https://youtu.be/STyAFwX5M-U?t=147

"I can't Go All my life trying to catch You between Husbands"

https://youtu.be/STyAFwX5M-U?t=86

The whole proposal

(2021 and NO Randall didn't propose, he just implied I had a lot of boyfriends and he better jump while he could - it was sweet & hilarious)

I love him dearly and enjoy him immensely, but am not amored/enamored? by him. (2021 - I made up a word here, but think it fits better than any real one - ha – it is enamored) – So, I’m dating others. A guy at church, Louis, who is a great guy but mostly a friend and a guy above my apartment, Walt. He’s also pretty much platonic. But Gerri, it’s really kinda nice with no commitments. I’m serious. I get to run the show. It would not be a smart idea becoming too involved with someone at this point.

You know who you remind me of? Demi Moore in About Last Night. She’s cute too. I saw that for the first time about a week ago. I cried through the whole movie. The way they had a fight, she went to her friend’s and said “You know, even though we argue, I want to marry him so badly, in fact, I want to have ten babies with him.” and she laughs. She goes back to him ready to make up and SHOCKingly he says “It’s just not working out.” When she asks what he means he says “I don’t love you anymore. I just don’t love you anymore.” No explanation, nothing. Bless her heart!

You know, I don’t really miss John, as much as I miss being in love. I know for a fact we’re not right for each other. In fact, I’ve known that since October or so. It's just so wonderful being in love and feeling wonderful with the world and knowing someone loves and needs you. God! There’s nothing like it! At the same time, it won’t last forever. (I mean the intensity.) Things do die down, but TRUE love will sustain even when routine sets in. I feel a lot of relationships (marriages certainly included) break up because the newness and intensity wears off and the couple thinks the love has gone. I hope things are still wonderful with you and Johnnie. I hope some of the spice and newness HAS gone and you’re still in love with each other. THE TRUE TEST! I feel Johnnie’s a gem and together you are brilliant. As you can tell, a lot has been on my mind. I have a lot of options as to what to do with my life. The foremost thought is to go back to work with retarded/autistic children. I found a place The Autistic Treatment Center that needs volunteers to work. If I never told you, five years ago, I worked as Assistant Director of a Day Care/school for the retarded. I did that for 2.5 years while going to school full-time. I’ve also thought about going back to school. But let’s face it, at 26 (in 8 days) I have to keep my job and go one course at night. There are times I also think of a travel job. You know, I was offered a chance at a cruise job singing but denied it because it would take me from John. He suggested that I not take it. Isn’t that ironic?

Goodness! This letter seems so serious! Maybe this isn’t the time to write, but for some crazy reason, I see it necessary.

Who knows what is in store for Janie Boren? As long as it’s happiness, I don’t care.

Did y'all come down around Christmas? If so, what did you think of Texas? I, of course, love it and wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. I hope everyone treated you with Southern hospitality. Of course, you would have really gotten it with Johnnie’s family, they’re natives, like me. We Texas natives are great!

Are you closer now to YOUR degree? I feel bad and don’t remember what you’re majoring in? It seems like it was something with kids or music. Either one sounds wonderful to me.

Well maybe I ought to bring this to a close. It feels really good writing to you and I apologize for not writing sooner or back when I should, but when I felt there were problems between me and John, I had trouble thinking about what to write you. I hope you understand.

Take care and if you can, write me every once in a while and let me know what’s up and how it’s all going.

Oh, John’s brother, Kevin, keeps in touch with me quite a bit. We had become so close and I understand him (he says better than his own family) quite well. He’s a precious guy and I love him so.

Thanks for your time and tell “Ole San Antonio” HELLO for me. New York/Jersey seems so far away now.

I love you and hope the very best!

Sincerely,

Janie

JANUARY 22, 1987

Thursday

Last night I was elected Choir President (Axe church). Neat, huh? We should have our first meeting on February 1. I’m excited.

After Choir, I went over to Diana’s and chewed the fat until midnight. We talk well together and relate to each other. She’s a little more fundamentalist religiously than myself, but then I feel most people in my church (or any church) are going to be more conservative in their beliefs than me. We talked everywhere from that Shirley MacLaine movie, Out on a Limb (I loved it and haven’t much trouble in believing her story) with psychic and ESP conversations to Randall and our strange relationship, to a little of John, some of her past, church, Louis back in a circle to the movie again. It was fun. I really like her.

Saturday night is a church Housewarming party for Betty Bruce that I’m looking forward to, next Friday (30th) is the Women’s Retreat and Slumber party given by my closest buddies at church (the same group as New Year’s Eve) including Bea and Richard.

This has been a good week so far. Monday night when I came home from Mom and Dad’s, there was a call on my answering machine from Louis. It was 10:45 or so, but being Bea’s brother, I hoped he’d still be up (she’s a big “night owl”) and he was. We talked for about an hour and I thoroughly enjoyed it. He said the reason he called was because he missed my pleasant face on Sunday (I missed church.) Out of all the guys I’ve been running around with lately, Louis is most like me. I do believe. We do a lot of laughing, but I still have a whole lot of things I’d like to talk with him about.

Tuesday night I came home, took a shower and waited around for Walt (my neighbor) to come home. When I saw him come home, I waited for a little while, went upstairs and said “I thought you might want to take me out to dinner.” We visited for a while and then went to Chili’s. We did a lot of laughing but have absolutely nothing in common. We even laughed about that. It was fun. I felt proud of myself for being assertive. (Of course, I always have been in some way.) - 2021 comment - I always think or want to be more assertive than I am. More bold.. And yet always wanted to be kind.

Last evening I then called Tim Crone (bus buddy) and told him to meet me by the bus stop and don’t get a bus until I was there. When I got there, and we got on the bus, he said “What’s the news?” I said “Nothing, really, I just felt I looked good today and thought you might want to see me.” He laughed and agreed wholeheartedly. That was neat. He’s great except two reasons. 1) divorced 2) 5 ft. 5 inches tall. Very short. I’m 5 ft. 7 inches. But he’s so cute and personable and a riot. I really love him to death.

After last weekend, I feel a strong need for some immediate changes. I feel really good about this decision. It was a bad weekend. Barry, especially, got on my nerves. I need to remember I can’t run around with (even in a group) too much. He gets on my nerves the same way Cam used to, and it makes me argue with him. I don’t want to go in much detail about the weekend, but for the next two weeks or so, I have things to do and can’t run around with Randall or Barry. I have no problems with Sherri. In fact, I probably am enjoying her now more than ever. She seems to have grown up tremendously in the 7 ½ years I’ve known her. 7 ½ years! That’s hard to believe. Everybody is growing up, except for maybe Barry. Poor Barry! He wants to grow up but has trouble really doing it. Sherri and Barry are having an official date this Friday. Sounds strange, huh?

Oh, Elaine Vavra (girl here at work whom I went to dinner with last Thursday night) has invited me to go to Acapulco this May with her sister and friends. Sounds great. With the money I’ll get back from insurance and income tax, I shouldn’t have any trouble. She’s great and going with a bunch of girls will be a new experience for me. She’s done it before and stays at the Hyatt in Acapulco and says it’s great. Her sister is checking on rates, etc. That'll be wonderful. I’ll need it.

JANUARY 23, 1987

Friday

Well last night Walt came by and asked me for dinner, but I already had taken a shower and was sitting comfortably in front of the tv. I explained to him that Thursday nights are mine to relax and watch t.v. I watched all my shows: Cosby, Family Ties, Cheers and The Tortelli’s (instead of my Night Court)

but at 9:00 for some reason Knots Landing wasn’t on. I was so upset. So, I called Louis knowing he watched the show also. Anyway, I called and he answered “What happened?” I knew right off what he was talking about but it threw me off and I said “Did you think it was me?” He was so embarrassed, it was funny. He had thought it was his mom. We went on and talked for about an hour. He’s so much fun to talk to. Life is good right now.

I took off for Monday. I decided I’m going to the cabin (really early,) stop for breakfast, take a spiral notebook and record all my thoughts out in the woods. I could really use that thinking time. I need to get some things in gear. With my 26th birthday next Wednesday, I feel I need to make some decisions. I’ve been wishy washy in many areas for some time now. It’s time to make a decision, stick with it AND be happy with my choice. I may not tell anyone about going. I think I’ll pick just two people just in case I’m desperately needed.. (You shouldn’t go anywhere without telling someone.) It’ll be DeeAnn tonight and Louis on Sunday. I MAY go Sunday night, but I don’t know yet. It would be nice to wake up there on Monday and have coffee on the deck. But I’d need to buy more groceries. We’ll see. (2021 - ahhh the cabin - some things do NOT change :))